


Baptisms of Fire

by Justphoenix



Series: Fools To Make War [1]
Category: The Americans (TV 2013)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 11:10:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 35,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16809448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justphoenix/pseuds/Justphoenix
Summary: Two weeks after leaving her parents, Paige has an encounter with the FBI.





	1. Chapter 1

December, 1987  
Washington, DC

The sun was beginning to rise through the dirty windows, casting light on the hardwood floor. Paige laid in bed. She hadn't slept all night, but she wasn't inclined to get up either. She pulled the thin blankets to her chin-it was freezing in this apartment. She laid there for another two hours, lost in thought.

_Mom and Dad are gone._  
I can't get to Henry. The FBI is going to be all over the school, keeping track of him, everything.  
Who can I turn to? 

It had been two weeks since she stood on the Amtrak platform, watching their train fade into a dot. She wasn't sure what she was waiting for. She was hoping Claudia would come back to the safe house, tell her what to do. 

In the meantime, she'd get dressed, try to eat some breakfast, and.....then what? She didn't know.

She dragged herself out of bed, and wrapped the blanket around her shoulders in a futile effort to keep warm. Time to have some coffee.  
\--

Paige sat at the kitchen table, drinking her coffee. The kitchen was small and had a radiator, which made it the warmest room in the apartment. She remembered all the boisterous conversations she'd had with Mom and Claudia around this very table. Even though the most recent one had only been a month ago, it felt like a lifetime away. She stared into the mug. 

What she should be doing? She would need more money soon. Her parents had given her some money "In case we get separated". Mom told her to keep it in her bra.   
She'd already spent a good amount to come back to D.C. She could stay at the safe house for a while, she supposed. Maybe it would be better to hang out here for a bit. She didn't know how closely she was being pursued by the Feds.

Dad had something about Renee, Stan's wife, maybe being one of them. Could she go to Renee? She shook her head. It was too risky to go back to her parents' neighborhood. She didn't know where Renee worked or how to find her elsewhere. And if Renee wasn't a spy, then she'd probably turn Paige in. No, Renee was not a good idea.

The food would be gone soon. Most of the food in the refrigerator had gone rotten, indicating nobody had been here for a while. But she was hoping against hope, somebody would come. She'd only met a few other agents when working with Mom, and the one she knew best, Marilyn, was dead. She wasn't even sure she'd recognize them out of disguise.   
_God, I thought my life was a mess when I told Pastor Tim about Mom and Dad,_ she thought.   
\--

Agent Dennis Aderholt shook the snow off his boots and headed up to FBI Counterintelligence "Chilly this morning." he remarked to Angela, his secretary.

"Are we sure hitting the safehouses can't wait until spring?" Agent Hardy asked. He was the newest Coutnerintelligence agent, a young man of average build, with dark brown hair.

"You're lucky we didn't do this on Christmas Day." he remarked. 

"Maybe we can we get robots to do it." Hardy joked. He patted the mail robot as it rolled past. "This guy could be retaught to pick up Reds, right?" 

"Let's get started." Aderholt said. They and the other agents went into the vault.

"Men, here are the remaining safe houses on our list" He pointed to a map taped on the wall. "Rentals paid with cash and well in advance. We haven't found any other illegals yet, and we know they're not there all the time. So we're going to have to be patient and stake them out." He handed out assignments. "Hardy, you're with me."   
Aderholt wasn't thrilled with working with Hardy. He was an intelligent and ambitious, but he was arrogant. This was his first year in Counterintelligence, and given he was the chief, it made sense for them to work together, so he could see what progress Hardy was making. The other agents had reported to him that sometimes he'd make foolish mistakes under pressure, and a few lapses in judgement. Aderholt missed working with Stan. But after what happened with the Jenningses, Stan was officially removed from investigating illegals. Plus Stan was on leave. He'd poked around about a return date, but nobody would tell him anything.   
Aderholt grabbed the sheet with the addresses and his coat. "Let's go, Hardy. I'll drive."

\--

Paige fell asleep on the couch and had another dream about being on the platform at Rouses Point. She was stepping off the train again, careful not to draw attention to herself. She watched the train go past with her parents' astonished faces through the window. In this one, she watched as Mom and Dad's train went into a tunnel. Suddenly the mountain surrounding the tunnel started to rumble and shake. The mountain made a large belching noise and opened its eyes. It was a monster. She tried to scream, but no sound came from her mouth. She heard a horrible crunch as the tunnel closed around the train, as the monster began devouring the metal...  
She sat up. If she wasn't tossing and turning, she was having disturbing dreams about her parents. 

_I wish Mom was here_ , she thought for the seventy ninth time. She always knew what to do. Had she made the right decision, staying behind? Her legs had felt like lead, stepping off the train. The whole expereince had felt surreal, even as she approached the outskirts of the Washington suburbs. But she realized she didn't know, and could never know, Mom and Dad. Were they even going to Russia? She was pretty sure they were lying about not having killed people. Mom had definitely lied about not having sex as part of the work. What else had they lied to her about?

She tried, again, to focus on her next steps as she front window. She could get a job. She had no work history-did spying count? Not that she could use her real name anyway. Could she go back to her apartment, ask Gwen to grab a few things? Mom had told her the FBI had probably turned the place inside out already. She still had her Canadian passport, but she didn't really look like that anymore...

_Maybe I should check on my intern application with the State Department,_ she chuckled to herself.

She heard a noise. Outside, she saw a dark pickup truck pull up,and a man got out.

She recognized him-Mr. Aderholt. Stan's partner. 

She was caught. 

_Fuck._

She dropped to the floor and tried to reason with herself. Maybe he's just in the neighborhood visiting. No, no no, on at 10am on a..Tuesday? Wednesday? She wasn't entirely sure what day it was. Maybe he was here for someone else. Maybe some drug dealer or something. She shook her head, no. He were here for her. Had somebody seen her? She'd barely been out of the place since she came back to town. 

She sat on the floor, her head buzzing. Think. _There's gotta be a way out of this._ But what could she do? She was cornerned.  
\--  
Aderholt returned to the truck, drink carrier in hand "Here you go" he handed Hardy his coffee. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small paper bag. "There's cream and sugar in the bag if you want it."

"Thanks." Hardy said. He reached for the bag and grabbed two creams. 

"Any movement while I was gone?"

"None. This street is deserted. Not gonna be a lot of people out on a day like today." He handed the binoculars back to Dennis. "3A is the one on the right side of the building, correct?"

"Yeah." Aderholt sipped his coffee. He grabbed the binoculars and looked towards the windows. He thought he'd seen some movement, but at the moment, everything was still.

"Do we know who we're looking for? What they look like or anything like that?"

"Nope." Aderholt said. "It's entirely possible once the Jenningses skipped town, the rest of the illegals did too. But some of the other safehouses we hit had recent signs of activity. We've got a bunch of sketches of potential illegals, but we're not sure how many different disguises they all have. Let's keep watching to see if anyone goes in."

"It'd be better to storm the place. Catch them with their pants down."

"I told you, they don't live here, Hardy. They only use the safehouses for meetings. At least, that's what Harvest told us. Chances are, the place is empty. We have a better chance of catching an illegal by waiting." Hardy thought he had the all the answers, but he needed to learn and listen from the more experienced agents. _He was so young_ , Aderholt thought, _he probably doesn't even need to shave._  
\--

Paige was freaking out. She was going to go to jail. She was going to die. Treason was a capital offense, right? She couldn't remember. Did DC have the death penalty? She couldn't remember that either. 

"Paige, you need to keep calm and stick to the plan." She could hear Mom saying. "You are no good to anyone or the cause if you panic."

_Right, don't panic._ She forced herself to take deep breaths. Stick to the plan. What was the plan? Mr. Aderholt comes in and...

She could tell him she didn't know anything about her parents' activities. No, that won't work. Then why was she in the safe house? Plus, who knows what Stan told him? Perhaps he was regretting letting them go.

She was here as part of a school project. Doing what? No, that wouldn't work either.

What if she hit him with someting? He was a big man, but if she caught him by surprise, maybe she could get away. It was a long shot. She was running out of time. Staying low, she crept to the kitchen. She'd searched for weapons on her first day here and had come up empty, but maybe there was a heavy pot she could use.  
She rummaged through the cupboards, avoiding the one window. A few small pots and pans, some large bowls. How about knives? She looked through the drawers but found no large knives. Maybe there were some in that big cupboard by the back door. That should have all sorts of..

The back door.

The back door was just off the kitchen. It led down the fire escape into the alley. Could she sneak out the back? There might be more agents covering the exits.   
Very slowly and carefully, she rose to look out the kitchen window. She watched for several minutes. The alley was empty. Nobody came by. 

She let out a deep breath. The alley was clear.

She had to think this through carefully. Always be prepared, her mom had told her. She'd go outside and walk out the alley. It was about 500 feet to the street. She could make a left turn, and walk down the street, away from Mr. Aderholt's car. Based on the position of the car, she didn't think he'd see her. She'd done similar things when working with Mom, but she usually didn't have the FBI actively looking for her.

She got down and crawled back to the bedroom. She grabbed a few outfits, the warmest clothes she could find, and shoved them into a knapsack she'd found in one of the closets. She put on socks, her boots, and her jacket. She pulled her hair into a ponytail and shoved it under a baseball cap. 

She went back to the kitchen and found the largest knife she could find. She'd never attacked anyone with a weapon before, but it would be the easiest to conceal.

She took a few breaths to steady herself. She was as ready as she was going to be.   
\--  
Aderholt and Hardy sat in silence as they watched the building. Hardy looked impatient. He peered at the picture of Calvin taped to the driver's side visor."So" Hardy asked "How is your baby?"

"He's doing great." Aderholt didn't want to be distracted, but he couldn't resist talking about his little boy. "Just started sitting up. Eats nonstop. Janine says she's tired of feeling like a milk cow."

Hardy chuckled "My girlfriend says she wants two kids. First a boy, then a girl. She's even got names picked out. She says she plans to get married at 26 and have the   
boy when she's 28 and the girl when she's 30. After that, she said, she's going to be getting too old to be a mom."

"Wow, that's a detailed plan." Aderholt remarked "Are you on board with that?"

"My only plan is to get a sports car and a motorbike. Kids...I dunno man. She's a fox; I kinda hate to think about her getting fat. She says she's going to do aerobics classes five days a week as soon as the babies are born."

"Huh." Aderholt chuckled "Just keep in mind life doesn't always go according to plan. Janine was 37 when we found out we were expecting." He also thought of his first wife, who'd been unable to have children. At the time, he told himself it didn't matter, but he couldn't deny now how happy it made him being a daddy.

"Whoa. Were you worried about him being retarded or something?" 

"No, because we were going to love him anyway." Aderholt said sharply. He was getting annoyed. "Hardy, why don't you take a walk around the building, see if there's anything out of the ordinary?" 

"Yes, sir." Hardy grabbed his gloves and stepped out of the car.  
\--

Paige reached for the knob on the back door. It stuck a little, then turned. She stepped out onto the small patio, feeling the crunch of snow under her feet. She looked over the railing. Still clear. 

Two flights down the stairs, which were covered in ice. She put her hand on the rail to avoid slipping. Her heart was thumping. 

At the bottom, all she had to do was walk and turn left, and keep walking. Almost home free. One foot in front of the other. She tried to make her pace normal, just a regular person out on a walk. Two hundred feet. One hundred feet. She was almost there!

Then she came face to face with an unfamiliar man "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Nothing" she tried to walk past, but he grabbed her wrist.

"FBI! I'm talking to you! What are you doing here!"

Without thinking, Paige punched him squared in the jaw. Agent Hardy let go, reeled back, and grabbed his nose. She kicked him in the chest and he went flying to the ground.

Paige turned and ran as fast as she could. Her hat flew off as she ran. She heard him scream "OWWWW! WHAT THE FUCK YOU FUCKING BITCH!"   
\--

Aderholt heard the shouting from around the corner. He immediately got out of the car and ran to the scene.

Hardy was standing in the alleyway, holding his nose. A spurt of blood ran down his face and onto his coat. "This girl punched me. Hard. How did she do that? She was like, half my size."

"Where did she go?"

"That way" he pointed. 

Aderholt saw a slim running woman about three blocks away, her long ponytail behind her. 

"Oh my God." he said "Is that Paige?"

"Who's Paige?" Hardy asked. He was standing while trying to tip his head back. 

"No time" Aderholt said, tossing Hardy his keys. "Here, take my car. I'll follow on foot."  
\--

Paige ducked into another alleyway, carefully avoiding ice patches. The cold wind nipped at her cheeks and ears. She came out the other side and took a right turn down an empty street. She didn't know how many people were pursuing her, and she wasn't going to look back to find out. Her legs began to ache and she could only hear the sound of her own panting. 

She needed to figure out how to lose them. Some place with a big crowd. First she needed to get to a major street. 

She made another turn, glad she'd been in the neighborhood with Mom so many times before.   
\--  
Aderholt tried to keep up, but Paige-if that was Paige-was too fast for his middle-aged body. He kept following her, but she was putting more and more distance bewteen them. She had to stop at some point, right? He picked up his pace, and he was starting to close the gap, when he stepped on a patch of ice, skidded, and fell to the ground. The figure turned left and out of sight. 

"Hardy come in, over" he said over the walkie "Do you have a visual on her?"

"I lost her at West St"

"I just saw her turn left. she was headed down Oakville headed west."

"I'm at Holman and Jefferson. I'm on my way."

Aderholt gingerly picked himself up. He contacted Agents Blaylock and Vivien, who watching a nearby safehouse "We're in pursuit of a young white female, black coat, long brown hair, running, last seen on Oakville. Keep an eye out for her."

"Will do sir." Agent Blaylock repsonded.  
\--

Paige heard a car behind her, and looked behind her for a split second to see Mr. Aderholt's car coming behind her. She turned into a narrow alleyway, too narrow for a car. The car would come around to the other side, and she wasn't sure what to do next. 

She noticed a narrow stairwell, leading downstairs to a door. She nearly passed it. She went back and stepped down. The door was locked, but the stairwell was dark. If she crouched, she could stay out of view. She tried to slow her breathing and waited. She heard some cars go by, but no footsteps. 

She tried to think. She needed to find some place crowded. But where could she find a crowd, espeically on a chilly day like this? The airport...too much security, and she wasn't sure how to get there from here. The train station..not until rush hour. 

The mall! Full of shoppers returning gifts and hitting post-Christmas sales! She knew where it was. Just under a mile away. 

After thirty minutes, she carefully walked up the steps. She headed down the alley on guard, ready to run at any moment. The coast was clear. She walked quickly, purposefully, to the mall. 

At the mall, Paige was immediately greeted by a throng of shoppers. She did her best to fight through the crowds. She headed towards the women's bathroom, locked herself in a stall, and paused for a few minutes to catch her breath and for her heart to stop pounding.

She didn't know if she'd been seen entering the mall or not.  
\--

Hardy pulled the car up to Aderholt and got out of the driver's seat. "I lost her" he said. His lower face was covered in blood. Aderholt noted it was all over the steering wheel too. "Goddamnit". He got in the car and looked in the glove box for napkins. "Where'd you see her last?"

"On Richmond."

"Anything out that way? Other known safe houses?"

"No safehouses, but lots of shops and restaurants"

"She could have lots of potential places. Let's check that out. Radio Blaylock too." He pulled away from the curb.   
\--

Paige was hiding in between two shelving units in the backroom at the Hallmark store, laying behind the floor of some large boxes marked FRAGILE. The store was packed with people buying discounted ornaments and greeting cards. The staff was so busy they hadn't even noticed her slip into the back. 

At JC Penney, she'd bought a new hat and a heavily discounted (though pretty ugly) winter coat. She'd shoved the old coat in the donation box near the Christmas tree. She bought a pair of reading glasses at Woolworth's. They blurred her vision a bit but she could look over them. 

Sitting in the back room gave her a lot of time to think. Among other things, about how excessive American capitalism was. Here were all these affluent people ready to tear each other apart over some trinkets, while their neighbors were starving. Didn't they see what was really imporant? Not to mention berating the poor workers making $3.35 an hour. 

But more urgently: _Okay, where to go next?_ The only other people in the world that knew would protect her, Pastor Tim and Alice, were on another continent. She didn't know how many of her friends had been told about her. But...there was Brian. Not too many people knew they were dating. Well, if you could call it that. 

Brian wasn't foolproof. But he was her best chance. 

But first, she'd have to get out of the mall. _How do I exit without being caught?_ She'd spent lots of time hanging out in malls. She knew her way around. _Lucky I grew up as a suburban teenage girl_ , she thought.

She assumed the FBI would be covering the main entrances and exits, including the anchor stores. Maybe she could hide out here until the mall closed, then leave. No, they'd put those bars over the entrance to the store and she'd be stuck in here overnight.

She was still thinking when she heard the footsteps. She went very still.

"I haven't had a smoke break in three hours." one employee said. A woman with a husky voice, sounding agitated

"You can't go on break. The line is ten people deep!" a younger, male voice. 

"I'm going! If I don't get a ciggy I'm gonna snap at one of these customers. They're getting on my goddamn nerves. Tell Clara all you want, I don't give a shit. I'm going to the loading dock, smoking my cig, and I will be back in ten minutes." Heavy footsteps walking away. 

The loading dock! All of the anchor stores would have one. It was her best chance. If she got caught by an employee, she'd just claim she was a shopper who got lost.   
She waited another half hour, until she noticed the crowds were starting to dissipate. She walked through the mall, pausing briefly to look at the directory. Montgomery Ward was on the first floor, and near the bus stop. She stopped very quickly at the newsstand for a newspaper and a drink, putting down two dollars and telling the cashier to keep the change. She walked into Montgomery Ward, and when the staff wasn't looking, she went through the storeroom doors. Nobody was in the back. She found the loading dock entrance easily. The truck bays were closed, but the door was unlocked. She walked to the bus stop and pretended to be immersed in the _Washington Post_ until the bus came.  
\--  
Aderholt and Hardy met with Agents Blaylock and Vivien inside a small Chinese restaurant. They shook their heads. "No sign of her."

"What happened to you?" asked Blaylock, looking at Hardy. He'd washed his face, but his coat was bloodstained.

"The girl beat him up." Aderholt told them. Blaylock and Vivien laughed. 

"No she didn't! She caught me off guard, that's all." Hardy looked humiliated. Aderholt felt a little bad about saying that, but Hardy needed to be put in his place.

He turned to Hardy "Do you remember what she looked like?" He nodded. They could make a positive ID from the family pictures back at the office.

"Who was that?" Hardy asked

"I think it's Paige Jennings. Philip and Elizabeth Jennings' daughter. She went missing around the same time they did. We assumed she left the country with them. But why is she still here? Why is she evading pursuit? Why not take their son too?"

"How much do you think she knows?" asked Agent Vivien. He was a tall, formidable man, built like a linebacker.

"Hard to say" Aderholt said "You know, they always seemed like a such a normal family. Friendly, even. Then they turn out to be spies. We've questioned Henry-the son-three times, by different people, and we're pretty sure he knows nothing. We interviewed Gwen, Paige's roommate. She said Paige went out a lot, and she seemed to be close to her mom."

"Do you think Paige was involved?"

Yesterday, Aderholt would have said no. She always seemed like a nice young woman. She was even heavily involved with the church, wasn't she? But Elizabeth was nice. And so was Martha. And after today-evading FBI, the number she did on Hardy, plus where did she learn to fight like that? It looked very suspicious.

"When we get back to the office, let's pull up the information we have on her again. I want to investigate further."   
\--

Paige pushed the buttons on the pay phone, her fingers shaking. Please be home, please be home she thought.

"Hello?" Brian answered

"Hi" she steadied her voice "It's Paige."

"Paige! Where have you been?! What's going on? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay. Listen, I can't tell you over the phone. Can I meet you somewhere? I'll tell you what happened."

"Sure, do you want to meet at the quad, or..."

"No, nowhere on campus. How about Union Station in an hour? Meet me near the Hudson News. I'll tell you everything."

"Okay, see you then." She hung up the phone. Now she needed to figure out what she was going to tell him. She walked to the Metro station, boarded a train, and slumped in her seat. She was cold, tired, and hungry.   
\--  
She took off her glasses and waved to Brian as soon as she saw him, and he made his way through the rush hour commuters. A lot fewer of them than usual due to the holidays, but this would do. 

They sat down in the Amtrak waiting room. "Paige, what happened? You stopped calling. I tried calling you, but Gwen said you'd disappeared. Left everything behind. I asked around, but nobody had seen you."

"Okay, this is what happened. My parents are in hiding. They were laundering money through the travel agency. They were having a downturn in business, and a mob member approached them and made them a deal. They were worried about losing the house, not being able to pay for mine and Henry's tuition" the words rushed out. "The FBI found out, and they split. The FBI thinks I know something because I worked there during the summers, but I don't know anything. I saw an agent today and I panicked and ran away." The best lies, Mom had told her, were somewhat based in truth.

Brian frowned "Paige, if you don't know anything, why not just talk to the FBI?"

"You don't understand. They are desperate to pin this on us, because they can't get charges to stick to the mob bosses. They are going to twist my words, make it look like I was involved. "

"Could your parents testify in exchange for immunity?"

"I don't know. They're scared. The FBI already arrested Stavos, my parents' oldest employee. They're talking about deporting him. So I need to stay low for a few days. Can I stay with you tonight?"

"Ummm, sure, I guess. My roommate is in Wisconsin visiting family until next week." 

"Perfect. Let's go."

She immediately got up and walked towards the exit. Brian followed, hesitantly. He liked Paige, and he wanted to believe her, but her story sounded just a little...off. She had said she'd been aspiring for a career in the federal government. Why jeopardize it like this?  
\--

It was already after seven, but Aderholt was on his way to the Beemans. Janine was going to kill him when he got home, but he had to talk to Stan.   
He pulled up to the curb, but paused for a moment to look at the Jennings' house across the street. It was dark now. The team had searched thoroughly, and found secret compartments with recording devices, but not much else. What the hell had gone on in there over the last twenty years?

Renee answered the door "Hi Dennis" she said. "Stan is his in study. Can I get you anything to drink?"

"No thanks." he replied. "I won't be long. By the way, I'm sorry you got turned down for the job." 

"It's okay." she said "I really thought I had it, but Personnel said they didn't think I was the right person for the position. Maybe I'm not cut out to be in the FBI. I'll try something else." 

"I hope you find something good." Aderholt headed to the study.

He found Stan at his desk, surrounded by piles of paper. "Hey" he said "What's all this? Aren't you supposed to be on leave?"

Stan looked up "Yeah, I'm just catching up on some things." His voice was flat. What's up?"

Aderholt paused, then spoke. "We saw Paige today." 

Stan suddenly went rigid. "What happened?"

"We were staking out a safehouse. She punched Hardy and took off. He made a positive ID back at the office."

"Did she say anything to either of you?"

"Not a word."

Stan went silent for several minutes. Aderholt added "We're going to search for her. Anything that would help us? Favorite hangouts?"

"I don't know. She and Matthew used to date." he sounded agitated. "I'll ask him if he has any suggestions. Maybe her church-the Reed Street church, I think?-but I think she hasn't been as involved the past couple years."

"Okay, thanks. God, this case just keeps getting weirder and weirder. How are you doing?"

"All right, I guess. It's just....a lot, you know?"

"Yeah, this must be hard." He knew Stan had been close with Phillip. He must feel like shit, having spies under his nose for six years and not realizing it. "How is Henry?"

"He's putting on a brave face, but he's having a rough time. He's not eating much or talking a lot. He's out with some friends right now, people he wanted to visit before going back to St. Edwards". 

"Think he might have some answers?"

"I don't know. I can ask him."

"Thanks. I better get going. Janine's been home alone with Calvin for the past three hours, and she's probably climbing the walls from dealing with teething pain." He turned to leave and Stan cleared his throat "One more thing." Aderholt turned around. Stan lowered his voice. "Thanks for telling them not to hire Renee. With everything that's happened" he waved his hand "it would just be...awkward to have her working there." 

"I understand. See you later." Aderholt headed out.   
\--  
The only food at Brian's place was ramen packets and leftover Chinese. They opted for the latter. Paige wolfed it down. They didn't say a whole lot. It was hard to believe just this morning she'd been at the safe house. That felt like it had happened years ago.

"Do you know how I could get a fake ID?" she asked. "Just in case I need one. I don't want to use my real one right now." _Not to mention my real ID is buried in a state park._

"Yeah. This guy Micah did great IDs for us when we were freshmen. We were never even questioned." He got out his address book and wrote down his number. "Here's his info" 

"Thanks." Paige said, taking the paper. 

"Want to watch some TV? _Growing Pains_ should be on now." He grabbed the remote and flipped it on. They snuggled on the couch and watched a normal family with easily solved problems. About halfway through the episode, Brian looked over and saw Paige was asleep. He turned the TV off, covered her with a blanket, and turned out the lights.

\-- 

Renee was sleeping soundly, but Stan tossed and turned. What kind of game were Phillip and Elizabeth playing? They made it seem like Paige was going with them, but she didn't? _I have to leave my son behind_ , Phillip had said. Nothing about his daughter. 

Unless..they planned to ditch her.

Unless...they'd left her behind to continue spying for them. She was really young. Nineteen? Twenty? Something like that. But what the team had uncovered was the first evidence of the Jennings' existence in America was in the mid 1960s. They wouldn't have been much older than she was. The Commie bastards start them young.   
But..why pick her up from school? They couldn't have staged that for him, because they didn't know he was going to confront them. She would have been more valuable as a spy if she stayed where she was.

Unless...they were planning to hand off infomration to her, and when Stan had caught them, they had to change plans. In case he reported on her.

And...where was Henry in all this? Were Paige and Henry relaying information to each other? Dennis insisted Henry was completely in the dark about all of this, he'd been questioned thoroughly. Nothing had turned up at school. Of course, Dennis didn't take him seriously when he told him the Jennings were spies either. Henry hadn't been saying much since he came to stay for Christmas. He'd gone out a lot, visiting friends...or was he?

And where did Renee fit in? If she was a spy. Which she probably wasn't. _I mean, Philip was just fucking with me, right?_ He mostly knew her whereabouts. She didn't spend a ton of time alone with Henry....at least, as far as he knew. There were long nights at work from time to time. And the odd way she suddenly wanted to be an FBI agent....  
Stan sighed. _This shit is fucked up._ He was making himself crazy thinking about this. He'd think it about it more in the morning.  
\--  
Paige was still asleep when Brian left for campus in the morning. Her story was still not sitting right with him, and he wanted to ask around. He didn't think he'd have much luck, since everyone was on break, but it was worth a try.

"Hey Brian." He passed Todd between buildings. He was an International Studies major who was in some of his Poli Sci classes."What brings you by?"

"Oh...Bennett's office is closed, and I don't have anything planned today, so I thought I'd go to the bookstore and get my books for next semester. Avoid the long lines."

"Good idea. Hey, there's some freaky shit happening in the Student Union. Jerry works there, in the Residence LIfe office, and he said the FBI was there this morning. Looking for some girl, a student here. They were questioning a whole bunch of people."

Brian tried not to let his panic show "Did they say why?"

"Offiicially, they weren't saying, but Jerry heard a rumor from another chick" he lowered his voice "It was counterintelligence. Like, spies. This is some _No Way Out_ shit right here." 

Brian nodded, while thinking Counterintelligence?! _What the fuck, Paige?_ They'd been seen together on campus. It was only a matter of time before they tied her to him. He needed to go, now.

"Hey, do you want to meet Ali and I for lunch? We're going to Taco Party."

"Sure. Meet you there at noon?" He needed to end this conversation without looking suspicious.

"Sounds good. See you then." Brian turned and quickly walked back the way he came. "Hey!" Todd called out "Isn't the bookstore the other way?"

"It is...but I realized while we were talking I don't have my wallet. I need to go home and get it."

"Oh, that sucks. Later dude."

"Later." Brian walked as fast as he could. As he turned the corner, he broke into a run.  
\--

Stan, Renee, and Henry were having breakfast. "Stan" Renee said "I forgot to tell you last night. I got an invitation to my cousin Linda's wedding. It's in Tucson, in June. I'd like to go."

"Sounds good, honey." Stan said absentmindedly. He wasn't big on weddings, and initially he felt some dread. Then he thought: family wedding. People who'd known her since childhood. He'd only met her parents a couple times "Is it a big wedding? Is your whole family going to be there?"

"I don't know how many people are able to make the trip, but they're going all out. They invited 400 people, rented a big reception hall, designer dress... Dad thinks Uncle Pete is crazy to agree to pay for all of it. Anyway" she said brightly. "It'll be so nice to see everybody, and get out of Washington for a while." 

Henry stirred his spoon in his oatmeal, not eating much. Stan and Renee made small talk until it was time for her to leave for work. She kissed him goodbye. "See you tonight." 

Stan went to his study. He'd made copies of some of the paperwork on the Jennings case, even though he'd been removed from the investigation. He was trying to figure out what he'd missed.

"Stan?" Henry appeared at the door to his study.

Stan hastily put away the thick manila folder "What's up, Henry? " He'd been debating what to tell Henry about his sister. If he was involved, somehow, it was better to think Paige was gone. On the other hand, if Paige was in contact with him, it was better to let Henry knew he knew.

"I'd like to go back to school tomorrow. Break isn't over yet, but I think a change of scenery would help me. It's hard being here...not that I don't appreciate eveyrthing you've done for me." he hastily added. The headmaster said he'd give me a job doing intersession janitorial work." 

"If that's what you want, Henry, sure. I'll drive you there." Stan replied solemnly. "Any particular tme?"

"Morning is good." There was an awkward silence "I'm gonna read for a bit. I'll see you later."

"Henry?" 

"Yeah"

"We'll get through this." He wasn't going to tell Henry anything. If he was in the dark, as everyone insisted, he might go looking for Paige, and who knows what he'd get mixed up with. He had to protect Henry; he was the closest thing to family Henry had left.  
\--

Later, Henry sneaked into Stan's study. Stan had gone to the gym and wouldn't be back for several hours. Carefully, he pulled out the manila file. He'd seen Stan working on it, but Stan wouldn't tell him much-everything was confidential. But he had to know the truth. He thumbed through it for a bit. He pulled out the pictures of the Wanted posters for his parents. Mikhail and Nadezhda. He hadn't been told their real names. He carefully put them in a binder and walked to the gas station to make copies. When he returned, he put the originals back in the folder.  
\--   
Paige had woken up while Brian was gone. She'd tried calling Micah, but there was no answer. She was cleaning up the kitchen. It helped her feel normal, plus it was a mess. _Boys are filthy_ , she thought. Then she heard Brian come up the stairs. 

"Paige, you have to get out of here. Now!" he said sternly. 

She reached for her shoes and bag."What happened?"

"The FBI is on campus. They're looking for you. It's not safe for you here." he said "Look, I don't think we should have any further contact. It's too risky."

Paige opened her mouth "But" he cut her off "Any minute someone's going to spill that we hang out together, and they will be here. I'm sorry" She got the rest of her things together and he practically pushed her out the door. After she left, he frantically cleaned up any evidence she'd been there. Brian was mostly a Christmas and Easter Catholic, but he started praying fiercely no one would find out she'd been there.

Paige put on her glasses and hat and walked through the lobby, out onto the street. She wondered about Brian's change in behavior, but assumed he must have gotten   
scared by the FBI. The quiet residential block was empty. The temperatures were still frigid. She had no place to stay, no ID, very little cash, and the FBI was hunting her. 

_Shit. What do I do now?_


	2. Fear and Alarm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Down on her luck, Paige gets help from an old acquaintance.

February, 1988  
Arlington, Virginia

Paige kept trying to focus on her reading, but she was having a hard time concentrating. The combination of lack of food and sleep was getting to her.  
She was currently at the Arlington Library. She went to libraries during the day. She had a rotating list of 10-15 she went to. It was warm, it was free, and nobody bothered her.

The one thing that had gone well these past few weeks is that she hadn't had any further encounters with the FBI. She had called Brian's friend Micah about getting a fake ID, but he abruptly told her he wasn't in that business anymore and hung up. That meant getting a job was a no go. She'd picked up some odd jobs here and there, but not often enough to get enough money for a place to live. 

In the meantime, she'd been sleeping in student lounges on the various colleges in the area. Not her college, of course She looked like a student, therefore people assumed she was one, and she was able to catch a few hours every night. She'd been able to shower every so often by sneaking into the school gyms. "If you look and act like you belong, everyone will assume you do." Mom had told her. College campuses were also great because there was free money and food to be had. She signed up for psychology experiments and kept her eyes open for student events serving food. Every now and then, she'd sleep for a bit in a Metro station. Security usually thought she was simply exhausted and fell asleep, and they weren't too harsh on her. The same could not be said for people who "looked" homeless. 

Looking the part, though, was a double edged sword. Sometimes she wasn't able to get to a campus before the building doors locked, and she'd gone to homeless shelters instead. The other homeless people viewed her with suspicion. She'd tried to engage in conversation with the other homeless people, getting to know them, hearing about their struggles, or even where she could find work, but they were at best curt or at worst, openly hostile. She didn't look like them. She didn't belong. Then she'd woken up to someone going through her bag, though they denied it. After that, she slept with her bag clutched to her chest. Another, older woman took her aside and told her young women staying alone in these places often experienced "bad things". Paige didn't feel comfortable staying in the shelters after that.

At the library, she started every day by reading the papers, and then she picked out some books. She looked for any more information about Mom and Dad. Maybe they'd been arrested or killed on their way back to Russia. She had no idea if they'd made it or not. She liked going to the Martin Luther King Memorial library because they had international newspapers, many of them who were critical of the US. Most were not too fond of Communist countries, though. She particularly enjoyed _The Guardian_ as they freely criticized US social policies. In the local papers, she looked at the classifieds for odd jobs she could do. She'd cleaned out houses, walked dogs, and worked in warehouses, although the latter type of work typically went to men. Men or women, they were usually friendly and willing to talk to her as they worked. It was usually people struggling to survive in the high cost of living in DC, working two jobs to support their families, and living in dilapidated apartments and living in fear of gang violence.

 _When I get back on my feet_ , Paige thought, _I'm going to fight for every marginalized person I've met._

If she got back on her feet. She was already shoplifting in order to eat some days. She felt kind of bad about that, but it wasn't anything big, just a bag of chips or a candy bar. Plus, she only did it at stores that were multinational corporations that earned billions in profits while squeezing their workers dry. So who was really in the wrong here? Anyway, she'd never been caught, even though she often saw employees follow black shoppers all around the store. More people to fight for.

On top of everything else, she felt terribly lonely. She couldn't tell anyone the truth about her situation. She'd tried calling Brian, but that had not gone well. After trying multiple times at different times of the day to get an answering machine, he finally picked up. 

"Brian! Hi, it's me."

"What is it?" he sounded annoyed.

"Is everything okay?"

"No. No it's not. The FBI came here and questioned me for two hours. I was scared shitless they were going to arrest me at any minute."

"I'm sorry Brian."

"I don't believe you." he spat out the words "Or anything else you say."

"Wha..."

"They told me, Paige. They were from counterintelligence, and they told me your parents are spies. And you were..helping them? You attacked one of their agents?!"

"That's not what happened..."

"Save it. How could you betray your country like that?!" His voice broke. "Is that why you slept with me? Did you think I'd give you government secrets?!"

"No, Brian, it wasn't like that at all..."

"Shut up, Paige. Just shut up. I wouldn't believe it if you told you weren't. Don't ever call me again." he slammed down the phone. 

She didn't belong with the other homeless and destitute, and she didn't belong with the other twentysomethings, with college, legitimate jobs, friends and hobbies. 

She was in a world by herself.

\--  
She gave up on the book she was reading, and got up to grab something else. She wandered passed the Children's section over to the Young Adult section. _Maybe I can find a Sweet Valley High novel_. She'd enjoyed reading them in high school. 

Paige had also been thinking she might have better luck leaving the area. Some place with cheaper rents, and maybe more opportunities for work under the table. She was hesitant, though, because DC was familiar to her. She knew her way around. She knew where she could go to be relatively safe. Plus, she didn't want to leave Henry. He would be back in the summer and on breaks. She wanted to find a way to see him.

Anyway, didn't matter. She needed money to move, and it didn't look like that would be happening anytime soon...

"Paige!" a voice behind her. She tensed up. "Is that you?"

Paige turned around slowly. It was Mrs. Jackson, one of the parishoners from Pastor Tim's church. They'd worked in the food pantry together sometimes. "Hi Mrs. Jackson." Paige wasn't sure how much she knew about her family, but based on her expression, she didn't think Mrs. Jackson was about to nab her. 

"It's so good to see you!" she said with a big smile. "We missed you and your mother when you stopped coming to church."

"Yeah, sorry. It was never the same after Pastor Tim left. And then school started getting intense, and I had to focus on getting into college."

"Well, I hope you make time for the Lord while you're busy with your studies. So how are you?" Mrs. Jackson was a black woman in her early forties. She wore a light   
blue blouse with shoulder pads and a pleated navy skirt under a faux fur coat. Her hair was in large curls. 

"Fine, I guess. Working hard. How are things at the church?"

"Oh, we switched churches when we moved...we live here in Arlington now. We bought a new house a year ago. " she beamed "Last year, George got a job at the FAA. It's a big step up. I'm so proud of him." 

"That's wonderful news." Paige smiled and relaxed a bit. If the Jacksons had moved, they probably hadn't crossed paths with any of her former neighbors. She just had to keep the conversation focused off her family, and this would be fine. "How are your kids?" The younger one was just out of diapers when she'd left the church.

"They are wonderful." she gestured to the Children's section "We're here today because Alicia has to do a book report. She's in third grade now. Jason is in first grade, and he keeps bringing home 100s on his spelling tests." She looked over at the children "Alicia, Jason, say hello to Paige."

Alicia looked up from her book "Hi Paige!" she called. Jason remained immersed in his puzzle. "Jason! Say hi!" Mrs. Jackson repeated.

"Hi" he said shyly.

Paige smiled and waved back. "How is your job going?" 

"Oh, about the same. They've got me traveling between schools now because they've cut some jobs. I just have so many students to keep track of nowadays. And so many more with troubles." Mrs. Jackson was a guidance counselor for DCPS. "I'm seeing so many things I didn't see ten or even five years ago. More drugs, more pregnancies, so many family members in prison. You're lucky Paige, you've had such a good family life."

 _Lucky indeed_ , Paige thought.

"Listen, George and I were supposed to go out this Friday, but our babysitter cancelled. I know you must be awfully busy, but would you be able to watch the kids? You were always so good with the little ones at the church."

Paige smiled. "Don't worry about my schedule Mrs. Jackson. I'd love to watch the kids."

"Call me Sherry, please. That's wonderful! I'm lucky to have found you today, because I didn't know if I could find another babysitter on such short notice. You know, you were the only one Tim and Alice trusted with Claire Louise. Can I get your phone number in case anything changes?"

"Oh...I'm not home much these days, and my answering machine is broken." Paige tried her best to look sheepish. "Can I call you the day of and make sure we're on? That might be easier."

"Sure" said Mrs. Jackson. She wrote down her phone number and new address for Paige. "Let's plan for six pm on Friday."

They chatted a little more until the Jacksons had to leave. Paige felt surprisingly optimistic. _Perhaps they'll need a regular babysitter_ , she thought.   
\--

The Jacksons' new home was a chilly mile and a half from the Arlington Metro station. Paige's legs were stiff from cold when she finally arrived. Their house was a large, two story brick building. Mrs. Jackson greeted her at the door and showed her around. She greeted the children and Mr. Jackson. He was more reserved than his wife, but still gave her a friendly welcome. 

"We're having dinner downtown and then we're going to see a movie." Mrs. Jackson told her. We probably won't be back until 11." 

"How are your parents doing, Paige?" Mr. Jackson asked as he put on his jacket. 

"Oh, they're out of the country right now. For work." she hastily added. "I haven't talked to them much."

"That's right, they're travel agents. Say, could they get us a good deal on a Caribbean vacation? I'd love to head there this summer. Maybe a nice hotel on the beach?"

Before Paige could come up with a response, Mrs. Jackson said "Don't be ridiculous, George. You know we're going to Norfolk this summer. There's no way we're missing my family reunion."

"But baby, I want to try jet-skiing! Think of it, you and me relaxing while we watch the ocean waves, having margaritas..."

"George, I won't hear any more of this nonsense. We can enjoy the ocean from Virginia Beach. We should be going, anyway." They said goodbye to the children and to Paige, and left. 

Paige and the kids had dinner. Then they played with stuffed animals and Jason's He-Man figures until it was time for bed. After they'd gone to sleep, Paige decided to take a bath. She hadn't had one in so long. She filled the tub with soap and bubbles and relaxed. For the first time in many weeks, she felt content. 

\--  
Paige awoke to the smell of bacon. Where had she ended up last night? She realized she was in the Jacksons' family room, on the couch. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. 

Mrs. Jackson came downstairs "Oh, hello Paige!" She was dressed in a green robe. "We ended up staying out late last night, and you were asleep when we came in. We decided not to wake you. I hope that's all right."

"Oh, yeah, that's totally fine." said Paige. She looked at the time on the VCR. She'd slept ten straight hours, which was longer than she'd slept in a very long time.  
"Would you like to have breakfast with us? George is making omelets. We can give you a ride to the Metro station afterwards. We have to take Alicia to gymnastics this morning."

"That would be great. Thank you so much."

Mr. Jackson gave her a hearty omelet. Paige tried not to seem too hungry. Alicia and Jason fought over whether to watch _Muppet Babies_ or _The Smurfs_ on the small TV in the kitchen before they were told to sit down and eat. They talked a little as they ate. "Do you think you'll need any more babysitting? I'd be happy to watch Alicia and Jason again. We had so much fun last night. Right guys?" 

"Yeah!" said Jason. He was also busy driving a Hot Wheels car on the table. 

"We don't have any other nights out planned right now." said Mrs. Jackson. "But I could use someone for after school pickup a few days a week. Sometimes I meet with students after school, and it would give me a chance to catch up on paperwork. Would you be able to make that work with your class schedule?"

Paige paused, pretending to think "Yeah, I think I can make that work."

She was feeling pretty good when the Jacksons dropped her off at the Metro station. Maybe it was a real meal, or a good night's sleep, but a lot of it was simple human kindness.

\--  
"Hey, Stan! Hold the door!" Aderholt ran to catch up to the closing elevator. Stan pushed the open button to let him inside.

"Dennis, what's up?" Stan asked. 

"The usual. I haven't seen you since you got back. How long has it been?"

"Oh, about two weeks. Mostly catching up. They've got me investigating some crackhouses north of the city." The elevator opened for Stan's floor, but he let it close.

"Anything new with Paige?" he asked in a low voice.

"She's disappeared again. We looked for her for a week or two, and then another lead became the priority." A secretary at Lockheed Martin had found a recording device in a boardroom at their headquarters in Bethesda. They weren't sure if it was Soviets or corporate espionage, but his agents were reviewing security footage conducting staff interviews at all the local plants. "I'll tell you if we see her."

"Thanks" said Stan. "Anything else new on the investigation?"

"Not really. I've got one of the computer nerds going through their home Commodore 64 and the ones in the office." Dennis said "We thought maybe there were encoded messages in a program. So fall all we've found are reservation records and a pretty good chess game."

The elevator opened again, and the men walked out. "I'm going up to see Henry this weekend. His team has had five straight wins. I got a mid term progress report on him last week. I thought I was done with those when Matthew graduated." he chuckled. "Anyway, his teachers say he's studying a lot. So far he's acing every subject. I was worried after what happened, he'd have some trouble."

"That's good. You know, I bet kids adjust easier than adults to these things." He saw Agent Vivien waving him over. "Better go. See ya later."

"I got stuff to do too. See you later."   
\--

In addition to catching up on his workload, Stan had requisitioned some small recording devices from the surveillance equipment department. Three, in total. Two for Renee-for her purse and her gym bag. The third one was for Henry's backpack. He'd plant it during Saturday's visit.  
\--

Paige couldn't believe her luck. On one of the college bulletin boards, she saw an ad for a furnished room for practically free-just chipping in for utilities-in exchange for doing cleaning. She was on her way to see it. In addition to watching the Jackson kids after school the past few weeks, Mrs. Jackson had referred her to some of her friends. For the past few weeks, she'd babysat every Friday and Saturday night. One of the Jacksons' neighbors, the Wolcotts, also asked her to do some after school babysitting. 

She noted as she walked from the Metro station that the apartment was not in the best area, and it was a long commute from Arlington, but she thought she could make it work. She pressed #1 on the intercom and got buzzed in. 

"Hello, come in" said the woman who answered the door. "I'm Xiao Luo." She was in her late forties and wore grey slacks and a black sweater. Her dark hair had a few traces of grey around the temples. "Can I get you something to drink? Coffee, maybe?"

They sat, had coffee, and Ms. Luo told Paige her story. She was a first generation Chinese-American. She'd grown up in a bilingual home, and worked as a translator for the federal government until she'd developed multiple sclerosis. Initially diagnosed nine years ago, It had progressed to the point she was retired on disability.  
"I have a nurse's aide who comes in three times a week, but she only takes care of me. My mother used to help with the cleaning, but she is too infirm now." she explained. "She'd always told me to stop focusing on my career and find a husband. I guess I should have listened to her, eh?" She looked down at her coffee "Tell me about you."

She introduced herself as Paige Richardson, and told her she was a college student, the first person in her family to do so. Her parents had little money. She'd gottten a scholarship, but it didn't cover everything, and this would be a great arrangement for her. Her clothes were starting to look a little frayed from frequent wearings, so that helped her be convincing.

Ms. Luo showed her the room. "It's a small space, and the closet is tiny. I hope you don't have too many things." 

"Nope, don't have to worry about that." Paige said. There was barely enough space for the full-size bed and a nightstand, and the one window was small. But that was perfectly fine. 

"I'll take it. When can I move in?" 

"Right away." smiled Ms. Luo.   
\--  
Things went smoothly for a couple months. Ms. Luo was satisfied with her cleaning skills, and they got along well. In order to keep up the pretense of being a student, Paige made sure to be gone during the day. If she didn't have any odd jobs or babysitting to do, she'd go to the library and read. She was beginning to relax and feel secure.

She thought about Mom, Dad and Henry often. None of the stories in the paper about Russia had anything about spies or the KGB. When the summer came, she'd try to see Henry. She couldn't go anywhere near her old neighborhood of course, but maybe if he went out with his friends, she could approach him. 

She also caught another lucky break. She was at a college one day idly reading the campus newspaper while waiting to sneak into an event promising free pizza, when she overheard some students talking about making fake IDs. "They look fucking good." one said. He had short dark red hair and traces of acne. "Dude, we are getting soooo wasted tonight."

She approached them and asked to see the ID. It was good. One of the other guys in the group had made it and agreed to make one for her-for a small fee. She gave him a fake name-Jennifer Franklin-and address "Here you go" he handed it to her a week later. "Happy drinking."

\--  
With her new ID, Paige applied -and was hired-for a cashier job at a hardware store. Just part time, but it would be a steady income.

"Good morning, Jennifer" said Mr. Grimsley, the store manager. He was a stout man with a dark, bushy mustache and a combover. "Before we get started today, we need to fill out some paperwork. Do you have ID with you?"

"Yes, sir. Can't wait to get started" she did her best to be enthusiastic. 

"Happy to hear that." He pulled out a sheet of paper. "I'll need your driver's license and social security card."

"Social Security card? Oh..." she pretended to rummage through her wallet. She'd never had a real job before, and didn't realize she'd need a Social Security card. "I don't think I have it with me."

"That's fine. You can bring it when you come tomorrow. But we can't process your paycheck without it."

She left at lunchtime and never set foot in the store again. She wished she'd had her parents contacts for phony paperwork, but Mom only told her what she needed to know for each mission. Oh well, she thought. She still had her babysitting gigs. Though in another six weeks, the Jackson kids would be out of school for the summer, which deprived her of some of her steady income. She'd figure out how to make it work. She'd gotten this far already.

The very next day, she got a call from Susan Jeong, a coworker of Sherry's. Ms. Jeong was a first-shift nurse and single mother. Her teenage daughter took her youngest to school, but was starting track and had morning practice. Would Paige be available? She would.   
\--

Mr. Jackson came home and walked into the kitchen to find Sherry and Paige talking. Sherry sat up with a start "Oh My goodness! Is it six already?! I haven't started dinner!" She immediately got up and took out some pots. 

"Sorry Mr. Jackson. We were just talking." Paige said. 

"That's okay. I think I'll read the paper. Kids downstairs?"

"Yes. They're watching TV." 

"I'll make sure they're not killing each other. Call me when dinner's ready." He kissed Sherry's cheek and headed downstairs.

Paige started to gather her things, but Sherry told her "You can stick around Paige, and we can keep talking as I cook. Do you want to stay for dinner?"

"Sure" Paige said. "Want me to help?"

"Yes. Can you chop some lettuce for a salad?"

"Will do" she went into the refrigerator to grab the lettuce. "So, you were telling me about going up to Boston to shut down a highway?"

"Yep. They were going to build it straight through the city. Tearing down the houses of the poor, urban, and black. Thousands of people were being displaced. And think of all the extra traffic and noise with a highway running through your backyard. We got in Hettie's ancient Chevy-it broke down twice on the way-and spent a week getting people out and protesting. They never did build that highway."

She liked all the people she met, but she really enjoyed talking to Mrs. Jackson-Sherry. She told her about her civil rights work in college "My older cousins were in SNCC, and I carried on the family legacy." she'd said. She'd organized voter registration drives, protested school budget cuts, spoke out against poor conditions in public housing. Now she was involved in the PTA at the children's school, and did voter outreach during election season. Paige wondered if she could tell Sherry the truth about her work with her parents. She certainly seemed "open to the right ideas" as her mother would say.

"Did George come with you to the protests?" asked Paige. She was taking out plates to set the table.

"We hadn't met yet. George isn't really a protest kind of man, even though he supports what I did. He prefers to work through the system. But for some people, the system isn't designed to work for them."

"I agree completely" Paige said "I hope I can keep fighting the system for people who have nothing." 

"I'm so glad to hear young people like yourself taking up the cause." she paused "Paige, is everything okay?" 

"Oh, yeah, I was just lost in thought." No, she couldn't tell Sherry. Anybody she told she was potentially putting in danger. Just like Brian.

"That happens. Can you pass me that bowl on the counter?"

She did. She felt a wave of loneliness wash over her, more acute than when she'd first been told the truth about her parents at sixteen. Even with friends and work and a home, she still felt acutely isolated.

\--

Aderholt was up to his elbows in paperwork. They'd found another recording device at Lockheed Martin, and a worker had confessed to planting the device. He received a call from Agent Blaylock "What's up?"

"I'm talking to a professor at the University" he said. "We might have a lead on the Jennings girl."

"What happened?"

She was at the playground with her kids and thought she saw Paige there with a couple of children. She recognized her from the pictures we passed out around campus and gave us a call. We're going to interview her in an hour."

"What was she doing with the kids? Whose kids? How old were they?"

"Look to be about school age, she said. They were playing around on the slide and she took them somewhere."

"Did the kids appear to be under duress?" 

"No. She said they seemed pretty happy."

"Okay, let me know what you find out." Aderholt hung up. What was she doing with children?  
\--

"Sorry, I haven't seen her." said the parent, turning away. Agents Aderholt and Blaylock were at Oak Hills playground, showing Paige's picture. So far, they'd had no luck. "Anyone we missed?" Blaylock nodded to a mother sitting on a park bench with a baby, and they approached her.

"Oh yes, I know her. " she said, bouncing her infant in her arms "She comes here with the Jackson kids. Jason goes to school with my son Luis." She called Luis over.

"Hi Mom." he said

"Luis, honey, can you tell us about the girl who comes to the park with Jason?"

"That's Paige. She picks up Jason after school. She made him a firefighter hat, and a ramp for his cars out of a box! She's funny!"

Aderholt nodded "How often do they come here?"

The woman paused. "Oh, every once in a while."

"Jason has to do homework before he can play." Luis added

"That's a good idea:" Blaylock said. He turned to the woman "Do you know the parents names?"

"Yes. Sherry and George Jackson. They live on Red Street."

"Thank you so much, ma'am." They stepped away. 

"What do you think is going on?" asked Aderholt

"She's...babysitting? Hardly sounds like a diabolical commie plan."

"Maybe it's not just babysitting. She might be using that to get information from the parents. Let's check out them out."

"Sir, why not try to grab her at the school when she picks up the kids? We'd catch her completely off guard."

"What? No." Aderholt said "I don't want to risk any civilian casualties. _Especially children._ Plus, we need to find out what she's after."

\--  
The next evening, Aderholt and Blaylock were sitting in the Jackson's living room. When they realized George worked for the FAA, they immediately contacted the family for an interview. Was Paige involved in the operation around the incidents at Lockheed Martin? He didn't know. 

"How do you know Paige?" He asked

"She was in our old church, the Reed Street Church. We hadn't seen her in a while and my wife ran into her at the library." George held his gaze.

"For a while? How long?"

"About 3, 4 years. I can't be sure."

"How long has she been working for you?"

"About three months." said George. "She's been fantastic. Reliable, wonderful with the kids. She picks them up after school and watches them on weekends when we go out."

"Has she said what's she's been up to?"

"Just college life." he shrugged. Sherry looked at the table and was quiet.

"We have reason to believe Paige might be involved in some...illicit activities." Aderholt told them gently.

George was startled. "What kind of activities? Gangs? Drugs? Is she trying to involve my kids?!"

Aderholt quickly reassured him "No no no, Mr. Jackson, we don't believe she's a danger to your children. We think she's gathering information. Something to do with national security" Truth be told, he wasn't 100% sure she wouldn't harm the children, but he didn't want the Jacksons to worry unnecessarily. Plus, when people panicked, they did stupid things. And people definitely panicked when their children were at risk. The mere thought of Calvin being in danger sent a chill down his spine. 

"National security? We don't have any big secrets here." Sherry spoke up for the first time. She turned to George "Is she going to take your cafeteria menu?" 

"Do you ever bring home work, Mr. Jackson?" Aderholt asked.

"Sometimes, but it's mostly aircraft repair logs."

"Any door codes? Passwords?"

He shook his head. "Not in my area."

Blaylock added "She may be looking for a way to get information on military planes. Or sabotage commercial aircraft. She might also be using you to get to someone else. Do you know her current address?"

"Just her parents' house in Falls Church." George said.

Blaylock and Aderholt looked at each other. "Has she mentioned them at all?" Blaylock asked

"Not often. She says she doesn't see them much, that she's been busy with school."

"Uh huh" he nodded. He pulled a folder out of his briefcase "Just so you know, her parents fled the country back in December. They were positively identified by a reliable source as being undercover KGB. Here is a picture of them taken in Moscow three weeks ago." he showed them a grainy, black and white photo of Phillip and Elizabeth. "I know you've grown to like her, but think about protecting your children. And your duty to your country." 

George and Sherry sat in silence.

"When is she scheduled to come by next?" Aderholt asked.

"Tomorrow night. At six. We're going out dancing." said George solemnly.

"Don't change anything. We'll be here. As a precaution, we'll ask you all to leave an hour beforehand. We'll pay for a cab. Go have a nice dinner someplace, and when you come back, this will be behind you." They left.

They sat without moving for a few minutes. 

George finally said "You know, the mother always seem kinda...forced in church. Like she didn't really want to be there." 

Sherry said nothing.

"I'm sorry, baby." He gave her a hug. "But you heard what the man said. I really don't think she'd hurt the children, but if she got ambushed by the fibbies and got desperate..."

She nodded. "I know."  
\--

The next day Paige woke up, showered, got dressed, and made breakfast for herself and Ms. Luo. Meal preparation technically wasn't part of their agreement, but she was making eggs for herself anyway, so she might as well make a few extras. Ms. Luo had good days and bad days. Sometimes she wasn't up for cooking, and she was appreciative. 

"I noticed the bathroom sink is leaking again." she remarked. It was an old building, and it seemed like there was a plumbing issue every month.

"Okay, I'll call maintenance later." Ms. Luo said. "It'll be hard to get them here on a Friday though." 

After breakfast, Paige swept the floors and did the dishes. She grabbed her backpack. "I'll be back around three. I'll take care of the vacuuming then." They said their goodbyes, and Paige headed to Franconia to take Michelle Jeong to school. The weather was warming up, and they enjoyed the sunshine. After dropping off Michelle, Paige got back on the Metro. Her plan was to exit at Rosslyn and cross the river to Georgetown. She had no other jobs planned today, so she was going to read at the library. 

She didn't know she was being followed.  
\--

Paige was a couple blocks from campus and stopped at an intersection. As she was waiting to cross the street, Sherry approached her. 

"Hello Paige." she said. 

"Sherry! Hi!" Paige tried to sound pleasant, but felt alarmed. Something didn't feel right. "Aren't you supposed to be at school?"

"I'm taking a mental health day." she replied. Her facial expression and tone were neutral. Hard for Paige to read. The light turned green. "Let's walk over to the park." 

They crossed the street.

"So" Sherry asked as they walked "Aren't you supposed to be at school?"

"Well, I had to come here to use the library. They had a book I needed. For a paper."

"Even though your semester ended two weeks ago?"

Paige felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. "Well, the thing is...." her mind went blank. She stopped and Sherry faced her. 

"We got a visit from the FBI last night. About you." 

Paige's face went red, and her heart raced. "Sherry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean any harm. I was just..." she didn't know what to say. She was panicking. What was Sherry going to do? Scream at her? Call the cops? There were probably agents all over the place. She looked around frantically, for a way to escape.

"Paige, did I ever tell you I never went to sixth grade?" Sherry asked.

"Umm, no." she said. 

"In 1954, the Supreme Court ruled on _Brown versus the Board of Education of Topeka_ , that segregated public schools were unconstitutional. Black and white children couldn't be educated separately. Rather than desegregate, some of the public schools in Virginia were shut down. Including mine in Norfolk. They shut down the schools for a whole year. They'd rather their own children be ignorant fools than learn along side us." 

Paige remained frozen, not sure where Sherry was going with this. 

"The white parents-if they had enough money- could send their kids to private schools, but none of us was allowed there, even if we could have paid. My sisters and I were lucky. Our mama was a former schoolteacher. She gave us lessons. No way was she going to let us slack off. She taught some of our neighbor's kids too, set up a little class in our living room. Most of the other kids...their parents were barely educated themselves, or too tired from working all day, to be able to teach them. A lot of them never went back, even after the schools reopened. A whole generation, lost." she sighed "It's the reason I work for DCPS and not in the suburbs. The poorest, most disadvantaged children need someone to advocate for them. And I will always advocate for them. 

"That man from the FBI told me I had a duty to my country. Do I have a duty to the country that made us use different bathrooms than white people? That shut down my grammar school? That keeps locking up our young men? 

"Paige, I don't know what you've gotten into or what you've been doing. I know you're not enrolled in school, and that your parents are gone. But I believe you're caring and loyal to the people in your life. I believe your friendship is real."

She nodded "It is."

Sherry reached in her pocket. "I called some friends of mine college. They can take you in for a little while. They're in Cleveland. When you don't come to the house tonight , the feds are going to be all over the place, looking for you. It's best for you to get out of town." She gave Paige a slip of paper and a handful of twenties. "As soon as you can."

"Thank you" Paige fought back tears. "But won't they figure it out?"

"Figure what out? If anyone asks, I went to see my masseuse. She owes me a favor." she smiled "And this afternoon I"m getting my nails done. Now go. The Lord will look out for you."

\--  
Paige breathed a sigh of relief when she stepped aboard the Greyhound. It was the next westbound departure, headed for Buffalo, New York. No matter, she'd head to Cleveland from there. Nobody had spotted her or given her trouble on the trip to the bus station. 

She was feeling so many things. Sadness about leaving the city she'd lived in her whole life. Fear about being in a strange new place. Guilt over leaving Ms. Luo and all of her clients without a word. And leaving Henry behind, again. She'd find a way to get back to him, someday. 

The doors closed and the bus pulled out of its bay. The other passengers listened to Walkmans or read. Paige looked out the window, watching the streets of DC turn into suburban roads, then a lonely highway in rural Virginia. Her past was miles behind her.  
\--  
Author's Note:  
For this story, I owe a debt to Margot Lee Shetterly, whose book Hidden Figures helped shape the characters of Sherry and George Jackson. Also to my husband, a collector of classic personal computers, who discussed with me the potential of hiding spy stuff in a Commodore 64. According to him, Philip's biggest mistake with the travel agency was getting rid of the Commdore PET :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note:  
> For this story, I owe a debt to Margot Lee Shetterly, whose book _Hidden Figures_ helped shape the characters of Sherry and George Jackson. Also to my husband, a collector of classic personal computers, who discussed with me the potential of hiding spy stuff in a Commodore 64. According to him, Philip's biggest mistake with the travel agency was getting rid of the Commodore PET :)


	3. Interlude: Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While attending a family wedding, Stan is determined to find the truth about Renee's identity.

Interlude: Wedding  
June, 1988

Washington, DC-Dulles International Airport

Stan could never get comfortable in coach. His legs were too long to fit in the tiny space between seats. Sometimes when he flew for work, he paid for a first class upgrade, but two first class tickets would be a little steep. They'd been sitting forever on the tarmac. Wasn't the plane ready to take off yet?  
He tried to read a magazine he'd bought in the terminal, but he was having a hard time paying attention because he was so squished. 

Renee watched him squirm. "Honey, would you like to switch seats when we're in the air? That way you could stretch out your legs in the aisle."

"That sounds wonderful." Stan replied. "Do you think if I flash my badge, the stewardess would let us get up now?" 

She smiled. "By the way,do you think I should have put the wedding gift in my carryon bag?" Renee said "I'm worried about it getting lost" She'd picked out two sets of bedsheets from the registry.

"I'm sure it'll be fine. Couldn't you have had them shipped directly to Linda's house?"

"Yeah, but then we'd come to the wedding empty handed, and I'm sure someone will gossip about it."

"Ehh, who cares what they think? Linda will know. Some people didn't even bring gifts to our wedding."

"Yeah, but our wedding was such a low key affair. It was wonderful though." Renee pushed up the armest and snuggled with him.

Stan thought back to his and Renee's wedding. She didn't want a big event, and he'd already gone through a wedding once before. They got married in the backyard, with a handful of friends and family. Philip had been his best man. He frowned at that thought. From her family, only her parents came. Her grandfather was supposed to come, but he caught pneuomia and was in the hospital that week. If she had a grandfather, Stan thought.

At least he was getting a small break from work. His performance had been slipping as of late. When he questioned suspects, he was second-guessing himself on whether or not they were telling the truth. This whole Jennings-Renee thing had shaken his confidence.

Dennis had updated him on Paige. She'd been spotted a month ago, and disappeared again. They'd searched for a day or two and moved on to more pressing priorities. He was both relieved and perturbed.

The captain's voice came over the PA that they were next in line for takeoff. _Finally_ , Stan thought.

During the flight, Renee read a paperback. Stan was eager to get some confirmation that his wife was-or wasn't-a Soviet spy. In the past month, the recording devices he'd planted had turned up lots of office gossip and coffee orders, but nothing fishy. He'd checked Henry's too, when he'd gone to visit again. No dice. He'd kept an eye on the long-distance phone bills. Calls to her parents in Denver and some calls to Tucson to talk to Linda and reserve a hotel room and a rental car. The only calls to Henry were his own. That didn't mean anything though. She could be making calls from pay phones.

The illegals had lots of legitimate looking paperwork, back stories, and real jobs, but they didn't have much family. Elizabeth had had one great aunt. Interviews with the minister who'd married Martha and "Clark Westerfeld" said he'd had a mother and sister as witnesses. Nobody had been able to track them down. Could the KGB fake an entire extended family? He'd find out.

\--

Tucson, AZ

Stan and Renee checked into their hotel. Renee said "I'm going to call Mom and tell her we've arrived. She and Dad got in this morning. Why don't we meet them for dinner?"

"Sure." Stan said. "I'm going to go for a swim. Do you want to come?"

"No, I think I'm going to continue my book. I might come by the poolside though." 

Stan went to the hotel pool. The cool water felt great in the 104 degree heat. He was profoundly hoping the church and the wedding reception were air-conditioned. Renee came by half an hour later and read under an umbrella. A few minutes after she arrived, he said "I'm going back to the room to use the bathroom. Be right back."  
The recording device in her purse had only a conversation with her mom, the front desk for more pillows, and a reservation at a nearby steakhouse. He'd check the one he'd left in the rental car later.  
\--

Stan and Renee arrived at the wedding and rushed out of the car. They'd made a wrong turn on the way there, and as a result only arrived ten mintues before the ceremony. She was dressed in a light blue gown that complemented her hair nicely. They walked quickly across the parking lot, Renee slightly slower as she was wearing high heels. 

Stan was a little disappointed he didn't get to question anyone prior to the ceremony. No matter, there'd be time at the reception. On the plus side, the church was air-conditioned.   
\--

At the reception, Stan excused himself to get drinks, then began wandering around the reception hall. He tried to spot people he knew were from the bride's side of the church. 

He spotted an elderly gentleman with a walker at a nearby table. Stan recognized him from the pictures-Renee's grandfather. He sat down.

"Hello, Mr. Smith." he said "I'm Stan. Renee's husband."

"Hello, Stan" he gently shook his hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"How are you enjoying the wedding?"

"It's very nice. Linda was a lovely bride."

"Yes, she was. So, did you spend a lot of time with Renee when she was young?"

"Did I ever! She came to visit me every summer and we did all sorts of things. Going on my boat, out for ice cream, to the playground."

Stan smiled "She always spoke fondly of you. Any funny stories you remember?"

"Yes, there was the one time she was in the Navy. She'd captured ten German soldiers."

"Wait, when was this?" Stan was perplexed.

"During WWII. The Big One."

"Oh, very interesting." Clearly, this man was out of it. 

Just then a plump middle aged woman with brown hair approached "Hi, sir, he has dementia."

"Oh, that's fine. We're just having a little chat about Renee. Hi, Stan Beeman" he extended his hand. 

"Hi, Helena, Renee's cousin. I'm her Uncle Bill's daughter. I take care of Grandpa." she said. She leaned down "Grandpa, do you want anything to eat? I brought some Jello for you."

Mr. Smith took the Jello. Stan asked Helena "You know, I haven't met much of the family before. Did you and Renee grow up togehter?"

"Kind of? We lived in different states, so we usually only saw each other at Christmas. I enjoy seeing her though."

"Any fun things you remember from Christmas?"

"Hmmm" she thought for a minute "There was this one time we went to see Santa. She was sick but she insisted she wanted to go. She got sick all over Santa's lap. "

"And how old was she?"

"Let's see, she's four years younger than me, so she would have been six."

"Okay, thanks." Helena turned to Mr. Smith "You did a great job with that Jello, Grandpa!" Stan wrote down the information in a notebook and headed to the bar. He'd ask more people after dinner. 

\--  
Renee was talking to her great aunt Tess as they had after-dinner coffee. "it was such a lovely ceremony" she said. 

"It was. Linda was so beautiful. Though I can't believe they're going in debt over all of this." she pointed around. "Such foolish decisions. Your uncle Ralph and I, we never had any debt." 

"What can I say? Linda likes to live large." Renee smiled. She still felt a little tipsy from the champagne earlier.

Just then, Helena approached them "Hi Aunt Tess. Renee, what's going on with your husband?"

"What do you mean?" She hadn't seen much of Stan after dinner, but she attributed that to him not wanting to make small talk with a bunch of strangers. He was probably at the bar.

"He is going around to everyone asking questions about you. And he's writing it down. It's really weird."

"He's probably still in FBI mode. Where is he? I'll talk to him." She got up. Stan had been acting odd the past few months. What was this about?  
\--

Stan was having mixed results. He'd encountered a bunch of Linda's sorority sisters, her third grade teacher, a number of coworkers, her mailman-Jesus Christ, did this woman invite everyone she'd ever met? But he'd found some uncles, aunts and cousins. He did his best to try to corroborate their respective stories, and he found things were matching up. This was good. He just needed to find a few more people to make sure...

Then he saw Renee approach. He'd probably left her alone too long "Hi honey." he smiled.

Renee gave him a stony glance. "Outside. Now."

They stepped into the hallway outside the event hall, "Stan, what the hell is going on? Why are you questioning people about me?"

"I was just making conversation with your family." he said.

"And writing it down?" her face was red. 

"No, I wasn't..well, I might have taken a few notes. I forget things sometimes." he said.

"Stan! What is up with you?! You're acting really weird, almost like you're investigating me, like you're watching...wait" She grabbed her purse and fished something out. Her voice was shaking "I found this in my purse the other day when I was looking for my lipstick. This isn't my compact, Stan. It doesn't look like this." She broke it in half. Wires protruded from the broken edges. "A listening device?! Stan, were you monitoring me?!?"

"No, no, it wasn't like that." Stan had been in danger many times. He'd gone undercover with the Klan. He'd faced KGB agents. Nothing had upset him as much as seeing Renee right now. "It was just..."

"Well, I'm waiting..." she crossed her arms.

"I had to be sure." Stan said quietly. "After the whole Jennings thing, I needed to know who I could trust." 

"So you bugged me?! Why couldn't you have just talked to me?! I am not a spy!" she shouted.

Stan opened his mouth, then shut it. He couldn't tell her what really happened. "I know, honey. I feel awful about this. I'm so sorry. It just hit me really hard." He reached for Renee, but she pulled away. 

"I'm going to stay in my parents' room tonight. Cool off. When we get back to Washington, I'll see how angry I still am. I want every bug in our house and hotel room destroyed, or I'll divorce you outright." She turned and stormed back in the reception hall. 

Stan sat on the floor and loosened his tie. He'd screwed up yet one more thing. And the worst part? After talking to her family, he was convinced she wasn't KGB.  
\--

He flew back the next day, while Renee stayed to visit with extended family. He sprung for a first class seat and stretched out all the way to Washington. It was the only thing enjoyable about the trip.   
\--  
September, 1989  
Washington DC. 

Stan saw Dennis enter the bar and waved him over. "Hey, long time no see." Dennis said. He sat down and ordered a beer. "How are the Redskins doing? Sorry I missed the first quarter."

"Not well. Williams has been sacked twice." Stan sighed. "So, what's been going on? I heard some rumors about cutbacks."

He nodded "We have a new source at the Rezidentura. We've learned most of the illegals have been told to stand down. Our sources in Moscow confirmed it. With US-USSR relationships warming up, the government officials don't want to risk messing with that. We've asked our source to keep an eye out for exfiltration proceedings, but we haven't had a lot of activity lately. So yeah, there's talk about cutting the department. Reassigning some agents." 

"That sucks." Stan sipped his beer.

"It's okay. I'm thinking of moving on myself. Something with shorter hours." Dennis paused for a moment "How are you holding up?"

"I'm okay, I guess. We're due in court next week, and then the divorce will be done."

"Man, what happened? I thought you two were happy together."

Stan wasn't sure what to say. That he'd thought his wife was a spy? That even after months of marriage counseling, she wasn't to trust him again? He settled on "We just grew apart."

"That happens sometimes." he said "You're always welcome at our place if you want to have dinner."

"Thanks, but I'm not going to be in DC much longer. I asked for reassignment." Stan told him. "With everything that's happened, I need to make a fresh start." This wasn't the whole truth. His performance hadn't improved. Vice wanted to get rid of him. His new assignment was a desk job. It sounded boring as hell, but he just had to stick it out another dozen or so years until retirement.

"Where are you going?"

"California. I leave as soon as my house is sold."

"Bummer." They were silent for a few moments. "How about another round of beers? It's on me." 

They ordered and sat in silence, both men contemplating their futures, as the Redskins got pummeled.


	4. So Many Different Suns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuck in a rut, Paige receives inspiration from an unlikely source

November, 1992  
Cleveland, OH

A woman was sobbing in the middle of Green Street Market.

She was in her sixties, barely five feet tall, with short grey hair. Her skin was nearly porcelain white and wrinkled. Her brown eyes were behind thick glasses. She wore a plain blouse and a long skirt that brushed the floor. She was sobbing among the canned tuna and packages of croutons.   
There weren't too many other mid-morning shoppers. The few who encountered her stepped aside quickly, trying to act as if she wasn't there. One man awkwardly tried to reach around her to grab some chili. Eventually a younger woman came up and put her arm around the old woman, whispered something to her, and led her away. 

Paige stood and watched, fixated. She wasn't sure why she was so fascinated. After the women left, she snapped out of it. She had to finish the grocery shopping before her shift started. It was a good thing work was only three blocks away. 

\--

Paige had stayed with Sherry's friends, Abby and Bea, for a few weeks after she arrived in Cleveland. They were former hippies and fiercely radical feminists.  
Bea spoke brightly as they took the RTA train from the Greyhound station. "Sherry and I were involved in activism at Howard. She had a lot of spunk. I remember one time the police came with in riot gear and she got right up in their faces, screaming at them to go away." She was tall with close cropped natural hair. "Such a shame she didn't play for my team. That's all right, I've got a good thing right here." She squeezed Abby's hand.   
Paige hadn't met any lesbians before, at least, not that she knew of. She felt a little nervous about saying the wrong thing. "So how long have you been together?" she asked tentatively 

"Seventeen years. We met at the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival." Abby said. "My camp was next to hers. I kept making excuses to go and talk to her."

Bea laughed. "I kept wondering how she'd run out of suntan lotion..again!" 

She slept in their spare bedroom-once they cleared off all the books, extra clothes, and jewelry making supplies. "This is my craft room 90 percent of the time. Sorry it's a mess." Abby had said. "It's fine." said Paige. It was way better than sleeping in the train station, or in a park. 

A thin black cat jumped on the bed "This is Lucky. We found him outside during a snowstorm and took him in....and he made himself at home."

Paige petted Lucky, and he nudged her hand for more. When she was little, she bugged Mom to get a cat, but she refused. She whined about it until Mom ordered him to stop. She hadn't thought about it in years. Mom had too much going on in her life to take care of a pet, she realized.

Abby was an office manager for a surgeon practice, and Bea was an adjunct professor in creative writing. The living room was floor to ceiling bookshelves "Help yourself to anything you'd like to read. I've got some recommendations for you." Bea said. Paige read the works of Catherine McKinnon, Claudia Allen, Maya Angelou and Alison Bechdel during her stay. In addition, she cut her hair short to make herself less recognizable.

Abby and Bea were longtime community activists. "We've helped out quite a few people who were 'in trouble'" Abby said. A plump, energetic woman, she was blond and liked to wear bright colors. "We can get you a full new set of papers, no problem" Within a week, Paige had a new driver's license, birth certificate, Social Security Card, and even voter registration. Her new name was Josie Parker. 

Paige hadn't told them what she was "in trouble" for. She wondered if she could. It would be nice to get it off her chest, but she couldn't risk them being angry with her, or worse, harmed as a result. Her instinct was confirmed when over breakfast, the ladies were discussing an item in the newspaper on Gorbachev.

"Ugh, the Soviet Union. You know, it's illegal to be gay there." said Abby. "I get called a dyke at least three times a week, but at least I won't get sent to a prison camp." 

"Oh yeah, that's awful. But didn't they stop doing that after Stalin died?" Paige asked. 

"They did, but it's still illegal there. " Abby frowned. Paige didn't think that was true. Mom and Claudia always spoke about how everyone could be who they were, not ground to conformity under capitalism. Either way, she definitely wasn't saying anything further about her activities.

She worried a lot about the Jackson family when she'd first arrived. That the FBI would suspect they'd had a hand in her disappearance. Sherry called Bea about a few days after Paige left DC. They were fine. The FBI had asked them more questions and searched their home, but found nothing. She didn't think there'd be any more visits from them, but she called from a pay phone just in case. Paige was relieved.

Abby and Bea introduced Paige to the local activist community. She met all kinds of people. Ex- hippies and idealist college students. Artists, sculptors, secretaries, and truck drivers. Christians, atheists, Muslims, and Jewish people. They also got her a job with one of their friends who owned a cafe. After a few weeks, she found a room to rent and moved in. 

The cafe shut down a year later, after a nearby factory went out of business, but she found the job at the diner without a problem. She showed up, worked hard, and didn't complain. 

They saw each other on a semi-regular basis. Paige watched Lucky when they went out of town. Three years after Paige arrived, Abby and Bea left Cleveland. Bea got an instructor position at Grinell College "We're off to a new adventure!" Abby said as she brought yet another heavy box of books to the moving truck. She stopped to wipe the sweat from her brow "Ever been to Iowa?" she asked Paige, who was helping Bea move their coffee table into the truck.

"No, I haven't seen most of the country." she said. "I've gone on some class trips, to Disney World, to Germany, but there's a lot of places I haven't seen."

"There's a whole world out there to see. Definitely do so when you get the chance." 

As they finished packing, Bea handed her a piece of paper. "In case you have more trouble and need new papers. I've also put our new address on here. Write to us." 

She grabbed Lucky's carrier and climbed into the truck cab." "Bye Paige, good luck to you!"

"Thanks for everything you've done for me." she waved "Bye!"  
\--

Paige walked slowly to her apartment building after her shift. She didn't feel like going home, but it was already after nine, and she didn't want to stay outside in the cold. She checked the mail in the dark, dusty corridor of the lobby. A Chinese menu, a sales flyer, and a...check returned for insufficient funds? She stormed up the stairs.

"Rodney?" she said. No answer. His boots were strewn on the kitchen floor, so he hadn't gone out. Paige walked into the bedroom, stepping over a pile of dirty clothes, and found her boyfriend playing a video game. "Rodney!"

Rodney was twenty nine, with greasy long brown hair that kept getting in his green eyes. His face was smattered with freckles. "Just a sec." he paused the game. "What?"

"Why did this check bounce?"

"Ohhhh...Sonic 2 came out." he gestured to the screen." I told you I was gonna get it."

"And I told you make sure there's enough money in the checking account. I don't want our electricity shut off again."

He sighed. She went through the checking account, added the $20 NSF fee. "Shit, we don't have enough money to cover the electric until I get paid on Friday. I hope they can wait until then."

"You should ask your boss if he'll give you an advance." he said, leaning back in his chair.

"I can't do that. It was an emergency that time" she told him. Rodney had had an abscess on his leg requiring an ER visit. The medication they prescribed was very expensive. "Dev made it very clear it was a one time thing."

"You should ask him for the advance." he repeated. 

"We're always running out of money before we get paid." she said "Can you pick up some more hours?" Rodney worked at UPS as a package handler, but only about twelve hours a week.

"But I need time to be creative and work on my music. That's what you agreed to, Jo."he unpaused his game.

Which you're also not doing, Paige thought. Rodney was the bassist and songwriter in a heavy metal band. Their gigs had tapered off since the onset of grunge and there had been none at all in the past four months. Rodney maintained grunge was just a fad and metal would rule once again. 

She walked into the kitchen. Three days of dirty dishes were piled in the sink "I thought you said you were going to do the dishes." she called out to him.

"I will. Later."

"You said that yesterday."

" God, you're such a nag. You used to be fun."

"Somebody has to be the adult." she said, tears welling up in her eyes "I have to go to the bathroom." she turned and left for the bathroom.  
She closed the door, slumped to the floor, and let the tears fall down her face. This was the third time she'd been in this position that week alone.   
She thought about all the books she read when she stayed with Bea and Abby. About housework being hours of unpaid labor for women. That even when they were in the workforce, they had to pick up all the housekeeping and childcare. Men and women, they said, should split the chores evenly. Though Paige had never seen it work any other way. Mom and Dad both worked at the travel agency-and did spy work-but Mom was in charge of cooking and cleaning. She rarely saw Dad do any of it. _Maybe that's just how it is for women_ , she thought.

\--

The next day was Paige's day off. The dishes were still not done when she got up. Rodney had left for band practice. She sighed and did the dishes.  
\--

A few days later, Paige had plans to meet her friend Mary for coffee. Mary asked if her friend Hajirah could come too. Paige had only met Hajirah a couple times and didn't know her very well, but she seemed nice enough. 

Mary arrived first. "Josie! How's it going?" Mary asked "Anything new? Do you like my haircut?" Her black hair was in a pixie cut. 

"I love it." Paige smiled. "Not a lot here. What about you?"

"Went to the eye doctor last week. They want me to start training with the cane." she paused "They're predicting complete blindness by age 30." Mary had retinitis pigmentosa and was slowly losing her vision. 

Paige looked down "That sucks. I'm sory."

She suddenly frowned."I don't know. That's all people say to me is that they're sorry. I know you mean well, but I don't want sorry! I want to keep seeing!" she exclaimed. "They're spending all this money on bombers and nuclear weapons and shit, and what are they spending on treating diseases? Things that actually help people?"

"Yeah, it's terrible." Paige acknowledged. She wasn't sure what else to say. 

"I'll probably have to stop working soon". She was learning how to read Braille and adjusting as best as she could. Right now it was only her peripheral vision that was affected. "I treated myself to this haircut. I might as well enjoy looking cute while I can. By the way, I haven't seen you at a Free People meeting in a while. No pun intended."

"Yeah, well, I haven't been to one lately."

"Why not?"

"I dunno. I'm just not feeling up to it. I'm tired all the time." 

"What else have you been doing?" 

"Mostly just going to work and coming home. Doing some reading. Chores. It's not like Rodney does any."

Mary rolled her eyes. "What happened now?"

"He spent the money for our utility bills on a video game. And then he acted like it was my fault!" Paige sighed "He never does housework any more, he just sits around all day drinking and playing games. He called in to work twice last week. He said he had a headache but I think he just didn't feel like going because an hour later he was blasting Megadeth."

"So how are you getting by?"

"He borrows money from people, though most of them have stopped lending. And I'm picking up the slack." Paige looked down. Her shoes had a hole in the side, and she was hoping to replace them this week. Wasn't happening now. 

"Jo, he's taking advantage of you. Why do you put up with that?" Mary asked.

Paige shrugged. She didn't have an answer.

"Is he abusive?" 

"No, he's never hit me." Paige said emphatically.

"You should leave him. "

"I can't." Paige said. 

"Why not?" Mary looked at her. 

"Believe me, I've tried. I've talked to him about how unhappy I was that the apartment is always a mess, and he's irresponsible with money. He always apologizes and says he'll do better. And he does, for a couple days. Then it's back to old habits. The last time I said I was gonna go, he begged me not to. He said nobody else got him like I did, and he'd be so lonely without me he'd kill himself. I couldn't have that on my conscience." 

Mary shook her head. "That's hard. But is that the only reason?"

Paige said nothing. 

"That's what I don't get about you Jo. I feel there's this whole part of you that you don't show to anybody. You're always keeping people at arm's length. Is that what you have with Rodney? That you're able to share your inner self with him?"

"Something like that." Paige said quietly. 

Hajirah arrived just then. "Hi girls." she said. She took off her blue parka and put it on the chair. She wore a headscarf with a grey sweater and jeans. "Sorry I'm late. The trains are terrible this morning."

"It's okay. I'm gonna need a refill though" Mary said. She got up to put away her coffee mug.

"Do you need help or are you've got it?" asked Paige

"I've got it. I've been here enough times." Mary said as she walked to the bus tray.

"How is school, Hajirah?" Paige asked. She remembered Hajirah was a biology major at Case Western.

"This semester is rough." she replied "Three lab classes. I was stupid to put these off and do them at the same time. And they want to increase my hours at the store. I can barely find time to study for the PCATs."

"PCATs?" Paiged asked

"Pharmacy school admissions test. I'm a pharmacy tech now. I work at the Green Street Market."

"Really?" Paige asked "I was in there the other day. I saw this old woman crying in one of the aisles. It was such an odd thing." 

"Oh yeah, I know of the woman you're talking about." Hajirah replied "I don't know her name, but she's come in a couple times. She's recently moved here from Russia."

"From Russia." Paige was intrigued "Oh yeah, I guess Russians can come here now if they want." 

"Yeah, one of the cashiers said she has family here or something. That's all I know."

Mary returned with a fresh coffee "Sorry that took so long. Did you guys go to any Election Night celebrations?"

"I went to Barry's to watch the returns. We had a little celebration." Hajirah said "I don't know. Clinton is way better than Bush or Perot, but do you really think he'll implement national health care? He seems kind of two faced to me."

"I don't think he will. Too much lobbyist interest from the insurance companies." Paige remarked "Though I could really use that health care plan." Every time she got sick, she had to wait and hope it wasn't something serious.

"Agreed." Mary said "And all those affairs he's had...it's kind of embarrassing to have a womanizer as your president."

They continued to chat about the election, the weather, and mutual friends. Paige reflected on what Mary said to her. _Mom and Dad must have been in the same situation_ , she thought. _They didn't really have any friends besides the Beemans. At least they had each other._

\--

After coffee, Paige was on her way to Planned Parenthood to pick up her birth control pills. No way she could afford to have a baby. And she knew Rodney wouldn't be a good father. 

She thought about the Russian woman from the grocery store. If Russians could freely leave the country now, what did that mean for Mom and Dad? Could they come back to America? It was probably too risky for them to travel here, but maybe she could see them. _All I have to do is save enough money for a plane ticket to Russia_ , she chuckled. 

She had no idea how to get in touch with them, or how they'd find her. She didn't know how to find Henry either. 

She'd thought of Mom, Dad, and Henry often, particularly in the past few months. With the disbanding of the KGB, what did that mean for her parents? She didn't know. 

The Cleveland Planned Parenthood was on a street with a number of liquor stores, a Currency Exchange, and a lot of boarded up buildings. Rodney always worried about her going there alone, but she insisted was fine. Nobody ever bothered her except to ask for money, which she gave if she could spare it. Besides, she knew how to defend herself. 

A police car drove by, and Paige instinctively turned away. Nobody from the FBI had come after her since she left DC, but she was always careful to avoid law enforcement. She'd narrowly avoided being arrested at a protest two years ago. Free People had gone to show solidarity for striking hotel workers. The police ordered them off the street onto the sidewalk. When they refused, the police started putting handcuffs on people. Paige grabbed Mary and their friend Cole and they ran as fast as they could. Since then, she was extra careful to avoid the front lines at any protests.

\-- 

Paige had met Rodney two years ago. With a bunch of friends, she'd gone to a club in the flats to hear some live bands. Rodney came over and offered to buy her a drink. He'd complimented her hair, and invited her backstage.

"I know the guys in the band" he said. He handed her a beer from the refreshment table "I can get into all sorts of places." They talked a little about their lives. Paige told him her name was Josie, and she was a waitress, originally from Viriginia. 

He told her that he was also in a band. "Screw the corporate bullshit world, man. It's so fucked up." He kicked some rocks in the alley. "I need to create things. I want to make people feel things. You know, working in an office, pushing around paper...what's that about?"

"I know, I know" Paige said "I wish I had a talent like that, so I could make a difference. I want to fight to make the country better, but there are so many oppressive structures to fight and the rich have so much power..." and suddenly he kissed her.

They made out backstage on a couch for an hour, which smelled of cigarette smoke and beer, and then went back to his place. Paige hadn't had sex for a very long time. She forgot how much she missed being close to someone. Being in his arms, she felt safe and secure. "You are amazing." he told her "I've never met anyone like you. I hope we can be together forever."

They saw each other every day for weeks. He wrote a song about her. Then after they'd been seeing each other for three months. Rodney told her he didn't have enough money to make rent, and she offered to move in. She was dissatisfied with the room she was renting-it was always too cold in the winter, and the location was inconvenient. She wasn't going to afford something better on her own.

Paige didn't have a lot of experience with relationships. She'd dated Matthew Beeman in high school, and she went out with a couple guys in college, but nothing long term. Mom had talked to her about using condoms, but they didn't talk about the emotional aspects of dating. And her parents were so distant from each other their last few years in America, she didn't have a good model of how to resolve conflict.

One day, she came home and was going through her things. "What's this?" he asked. It was the fake ID she'd picked up from the college kid in DC.

"Oh that? Nothing." she said and grabbed it. "Why were you going through my drawers?"

"I was looking for some weed." he told her. "Why do you have a fake ID?"

"It was for getting into bars." she said.

"Yeah, but like, you're 24. Why do you have this?"

"It was from when I was underage." 

"The picture looks recent". He looked at her skeptically. He eventually let it drop.

Later in the week, he was supposed met her after she was coming back from a Free People meeting (he'd attended once and said it was "boring"). She was walking out   
and talking to Bea, who hadn't yet met her boyfriend.

"Going to Vermont sounds like so much fun!" Paige told her.

"Well, it's a writers' conference, so I won't be having a lot of fun. But I'm hoping to get some skiing in. One of the downsides of living in the Midwest-too flat."

They got to the corner. "I'll see you at the next meeting. Bye Paige."

"Paige?" She turned around and saw Rodney. 

"Hey, how goes it?" she gave him a quick hug.

"Why did she call you Paige?" Rodney demanded. And he wouldn't let up. She told him it was an inside joke, a nickname, but he kept asking her. Finally she told him she'd been in some "legal trouble" and Josie wasn't her real name. She wouldn't tell him the specifics. "I shouldn't tell you. For your own protection."

"Yeah, that's true. When my cousin Seth was arrested, they questioned all of us thoroughly. He was trafficking drugs. I only bought weed from him sometimes, but I didn't tell them a goddamn thing."

He kept calling her Jo, but she thought if she tried to leave him, he'd go to the police. She wasn't sure if she'd be prosecuted or not. The Cold War was over, were they still prosecuting KGB spies? She didn't know. There was also the matter of assaulting an FBI agent. They were probably still pretty pissed about that. 

\--  
The next day, Paige was at work. "Josie, telephone." called Priya. She and her husband Dev owned the diner. Paige stepped into the kitchen "Make it quick" she added as she handed her the phone. 

It was Rodney. "Jo, I know how we're going to get the money to cover rent."

"How's that?" She was skeptical.

"My mom! She has money. She just got a raise at the bank. What's she's spending it on, more ugly throw pillows? She needs to support me. I'm her son."

"Rodney, the last time you borrowed money, she gave you a fifteen minute lecture about responsibility and demanded you repay her. And you didn't. She's probably still mad about that."

"She is! Which is why you're going to ask her."

"No, no no. She's your mom. Why do I have to ask..."

"Call her right away. Ask for two hundred-rent is due soon. See ya later." he hung up the phone. 

Paige sighed and hung up. Priya returned from the walk-in. "Everything OK?" There was a hint of worry in her brown eyes. 

"Yeah, it's fine." she brightened up. Over the years, she'd become good at putting on a cheery face even when she was falling apart inside. It prevented people from asking too many questions, and her tips were better. "Just a question about a bill."

"Good. Can you see if Table Six needs any refills? " Paige headed over.

There was a group of four, two couples, at Table Six. They looked to be in their mid-twenties and were talking and laughing "Hi, do you want anything else?" she said with a smile.

"I'd like some more coffee, thanks" one of the men said. 

"I'd like some coffee too. Say, do you know how to get to the zoo?" his partner asked. Paige gave them directions as best she could. "We're visiting these guys" pointed to their companions "from out of town. "

"Oh, cool. Where are you from?"

"Atlanta. We're all originally from there. Chris and I went to high school together." the man said. He showed her a small booklet "This is where we went-Shady Pine Academy" It showed a distinguished looking campus on the cover, with students in navy blue uniforms in front of a sign.

"Yeah, we hung out all the time back then." he "But I lost touch with Chris after graduation. I found out he was here in Cleveland through the alumni newsletter."  
 _Alumni newsletter._ Henry's high school, St. Edwards, would probably have something like that. "Do they print where people are living? I didn't go to a private high school."

"Of course _you_ didn't. This school is for people who are going to go to college and have real jobs." Chris scoffed.

His partner lightly smacked him "Chris, shut up." She turned to Paige "It tells you what alumni are up to, where they went to college, any advanced degrees, any professional accomplishments, awards, things like that. But mostly it's an excuse to ask for money."

"As if I have any money after paying my student loans." remarked CJ. 

"Well, I better get your coffees. Have fun at the zoo." Paige turned to go back to the kitchen, her head swimming too much to register being insulted. After work, she'd call St. Edwards and ask for their alumni newsletter back issues. She could probably pass herself off as being a former student. 

\--  
Paige did not ask Rodney's mother for money. "I won't do it." she told him. "Ask her yourself. Go sell your Nintendo games. You're not playing them anyway." She was firm about it and would hear no arguments.

Two days later, Rodney handed her $82 and cash, and said "I'm sorry, baby. I'm really going to try to do better. I signed up for extra shifts at work-holiday season is coming up." She felt a little bad for him. He'd given her his love and his home, and mostly she ordered him to do things. He'd probably end up homeless if she left him. And that was a fate she wouldn't wish on anyone. Besides, what other man would want her now? She had too much baggage. She didn't ask where the money came from. 

\--  
A week later, Paige received a large envelope in the mail from St. Edwards. She hid the envelope in the cupboard, and spent the evening watching TV with Rodney.  
The next morning, she got up around 8 and pulled out the envelope. Rodney almost always slept until 10. She cleared little Debbie wrappers and crumbs from the kitchen table and went through the newsletters, looking for any mention of Henry. 

And she found it:

_Henry Jennings, '89 made the Dean's List at New York University last semester, where he is pursing a Bachelor's Degree in Business Administration. Congratulations Henry!_

Henry was in New York! She knew where she was. She could find him. 

She threw all the newsletters in the garbage. She tried calling the NYU for his personal info, but they did not give out information on current students.   
She could go to New York, she thought, and find Henry. But how? The task of tracking him down seemed overwhelming. Buying a bus ticket to New York, looking for him..how would she do all of that? Lately, some days, the act of just getting dressed and leaving the house was overwhelming. She slumped into her seat.

\--  
Paige, Mary, and some of their friends were in the basement of St. Barnabas, preparing meals for the homeless and poor for Thanksgiving. They did this every year. Paige needed a little extra motivation this year from Mary, but she was glad she went. Being in the church basement reminded her of helping out at the Reed Street Church. Even after what happened with Pastor Tim, she had a lot of fond memories of being there. She always felt better when she helped others, and helping the homeless had a special place in her heart.

The group was preparing turkey sandwiches. There'd be a hot meal on Thanksgiving Day, but the church would also offer the sandwiches for the patrons to take with. The organizers were affiliated with the church, but both getting food and volunteering were open to everyone. Paige wasn't sure right now where she stood on God. Religion was the opiate of the masses, but for some people, the pain was bad enough that opiates were a requirement.

"Hey Josie, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?" asked Ali. She was a petite Asian woman who wore glasses.

"We're going to Rodney's mom's in Elyria." she replied

"You don't sound excited." said Mary. 

"His mom can be a bit...abrasive." she acknowledged "And she spends a lot of time telling him everything he's doing wrong." 

"You're welcome to have Thanksgiving at our house." said Mary. "Mom always food for twenty people even though there's only four of us. I've found leftover cranberry sauce in the fridge in January!" she laughed. 

"She'll have a fit if we don't come." Paige said "But maybe we can stop by afterwards?"

"Sure." Mary said "Call me and let me know if you're coming."

"What about your family?" Cole asked. He was very tall-6'5" and skinny. Several of the group had joked he should eat some of the sandwiches.

"They're in Virginia. Neither of us has the money to see each other." she said quickly. "By the way" she asked the group "Does anybody know how you'd find someone that you'd lost touch with?"

"I dunno. Hire a private investigator? Any particular reason?" Ali asked. She was opening up a package of turkey.

"Well, there's somebody I used to know when I went to high school, and I'd like to talk to them." 

"Hmmm..." Mary said "If you went there, you could look through the phone book. That's all I can think of." She pulled another loaf of bread towards her and started dividing up the slices.

"If it's a guy. A girl might have changed her name when she got married." Ali said.

"She shouldn't have to change her name. I'm not going to change mine." Mary replied.

"Yeah, but your last name isn't Chong. I am so ready for my name to be something else. My nickname in grade school was Ching." she said bitterly as she went back to spreading mayo.

"Do you know if they've gotten married?" asked Cole "Maybe check the newspaper for marriage announcements. Or birth announcements if they've had a baby. They put those in the paper too." 

"I don't know about marriage." Paige said "But these are good ideas. Thanks everyone." She'd noticed the alumni newsletter mentioned weddings and babies as well. Henry was probably too young to get married, but she could keep an eye out. 

\--  
The diner had been busy all morning, and was just slowing down for the afternoon. Paige's feet hurt. It hadn't helped that she was out of money for the bus and had to walk this morning. 

She walked out to greet Table 10 with their food, when she saw the old woman walk in. It wasn't that much of a surprise-she probably lived around here. She was alone. The hostess seated her at a small table. 

Paige went to the back to ask Dev if she could take her lunch, and asked the another server to cover her tables. Then she took off her apron and approached the woman.

"Hi." she said "Can I sit with you?"

The woman looked at her quizzically, and for a minute Paige thought she might not speak English. "I don't know you. What do you want?" she spoke with a heavy accent.

Paige pleaded "I work here. I thought you might like some company. I can get you a discount on your meal." she added.

She considered this carefully "All right. But if I tell you to go away, you listen." she said.

Paige sat down. "All right. I'm Josie. It's nice to meet you."

"Hello Josie. I am Stanislava Ivanovna Sapozhnik. Nice to meet you too. How long have you worked here?"

"Three years."

"What do you recommend to eat?"

"The bacon cheeseburger is really good."

"Okay, I will try that." she said. Another server came by and took her order. "Just coffee and toast for me, thanks." Paige told her. 

"So" Stanislava asked "why did you want to talk to me?"

"I heard you had come here from Russia. I have...family in Russia. My ancestors came over a long time ago, but there's still relatives we know of. It's just nice to meet someone from there. I'm wondering how things are these days. "

Stanislava peered at her "Ah, you want to hear about old country? It is chaos right now. They are trying to change a huge economy. Inflation is out of control. My neighbors' savings wiped out. Yeltsin is poor excuse for leader."

Paige sucked in a breath, wondering about her parents' fate. "Is that why you left?" 

"It was not only reason. We have been trying to get out of country for many years. Things were a little better under Gorbachev, but life has been difficult for a very long time. You know about this, no?"

"Yeah, I've heard things. Waiting in long lines to get food, things like that." Paige replied 

"It depends on who you know. So many of the shopkeepers are corrupt. They make sure the people in power have food, they have no reason to get rid of the shortages. " she made a disgusted noise. "It is ridiculous. There is so much corruption and mistreatment of people."

"That's terrible." Paige said.

"It was. And plus being Jewish did not help. Our people have been terrorized for many decades. Some shopkeepers refuse to sell to us. My brothers beat up. All because of what we were. We come here, to Cleveland, as there is large community of us here. Some have been here as long as twenty services. Social Services help us get on our feet."

Paige frowned. Mom and Claudia had downplayed the Soviet mistreatment of Jewish people, and she wanted to say something, but she didn't want to sound anti-Semitic. Stanislava continued.   
"My father, he was caught in Stalin's purges. I was only five years old, and even now I remember him being taken in the middle of the night, still in his nightshirt, screaming. We had so little after that. My mother went to work, she worked long hours, but it wasn't enough to support the four of us. My brothers and I dropped out of school to support our family. We all worked but we still had very little. Then the war came and we were all very busy and had even less.

"I got a job in a factory. I met my husband there. He was a foreman. We were married within six months of courtship. We had three children. When I was little girl, they promised us women would have equal place. But instead I worked long hours at the factory and took care of home and children."

"Wow. Some things never change, do they?" said Paige. "I can't get my boyfriend to clean up after himself for anything."

Stanislava nodded "That is how men are-if we let them do it. He was a good man though, for most part. Died of a heart attack five years ago."

"I'm sorry. "Paige said.

"Thank you. I wish he could have lived to see this, us, here in America. He was excited about the Cold War beginning to thaw. He wanted to see this country. He urged all of us to learn English."

"I'm glad you like it here so far" Paige said "I don't know if America is all it's cracked up to be. There's so many people in need of help, and the government does nothing to take care of them."

"This is true, yes, Soviet government was not helping people either. One fourth of the economy goes to defense. All the nuclear weapons and guns and planes, while our people have so little. And anyone who defies them faces severe consequences. My son, he was prison guard. He watched prisoners be executed, shot in back of head. Family not told until later. "

Paige audibly gasped.

Stanislava continued "My son, he was not able to get visa. Only my daughters and I came. He will come eventually. America has many problems, but things are far better here. We have only been in country for seven months and I feel twenty years younger. I am so happy I came." 

Paige told her "I saw you at the market a few weeks ago, crying. Why?"

"I was crying...because I was amazed at how much food was available for everyone. So many years we spent in grocery stores with practically empty shelves. Now we can buy whatever we want." her cheeseburger arrived, and she began eating. "So I tell you my life story, Josie. Tell me about you."

"There's..not much to tell." Paige replied. "I'm from Viriginia. I've worked here for three years."

"There must be more" Stansislava looked at her. "You mention boyfriend? You get married?"

"We haven't talked about it." she admitted.

"You do not sound like a young woman in love. You sound like you are at the edge of a volcano, trying not to fall in."

Paige smiled "Is that a Russian saying?"

"It is a Stanislava saying. Josie, you should not spend your life with people...or things that do not make you happy. I only did it because I had no choice."

Paige found herself opening up to her, even though she was practcially a stranger "I feel pretty stuck. I don't know where else I'd go. I...can't go home. It's a long story. "

"The look on your face." Stanislava said "Looks like things have been hard for you. I recognize that look from the other girls at the factory. What would you really like to do?"

"I'm not sure. I like helping others. I've got a brother out there. I'd like to find him."

"You should do this. You have survived so much, you are strong and resilient." 

Paige thought about this. She had survived a lot, more than most 24 year olds. She'd discovered her parents were living a double life. She'd trained to become a spy. She'd fled town when their cover was blown,. She left her parents behind with no ID, no money, no job, beat homelessness, gotten a steady job, beat detection by the FBI...she'd survived it all.

Stanislava finished her burger "This was very good. Thank you."

Paige got up. "I need to get back to work. Thank you for talking with me."

"You're welcome. Would you like to meet my daughters sometime? They can tell you more about Russia, perhaps from a younger perspective. "

"Yeah, I'd like that." Paige smiled "See you later."   
\--  
Paige walked into her apartment with a spring in her step. "Hey" she said to Rodney as she walked in. He was watching Jeopardy! on their small TV.

"Hey" he said "You're home late."

"Yeah. I stopped to run some errands."

"How was work?"

"Ehh, so so. Tips were poor and I got stiffed on a meal."

"Bummer. You seem happy though"

"Yeah, I guess I am ."

"By the way, i'm going over to Kenny's later. I'll probably see you in the morning.'

After he left, Paige pulled out her excellent tips from the day and hid them in her box of tampons. She'd save enough money, then walk out the door without a trace. It would take her a long time, but she'd get there. Let Rodney try to stop her. She'd go to New York. She'd find Henry. For the first time in a long time, she felt hope. She'd started over twice before. She could do it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note:
> 
> The opening scene is based on a story I heard growing up from my next door neighbor. She had relatives come to the United States from Poland shortly after the Cold War ended, and this was their reaction going to a grocery store.
> 
> Stanislava was my paternal grandmother's baptismal name, although she was Polish Catholic. I wasn't initially planning on making the character Stanislava Jewish, until I read about the large community of Jewish immigrants from the Soviet Union living in Cleveland at the time. Then it seemed to make sense.


	5. Fools To Make War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In 1995, Paige and Henry reunite-but things don't go smoothly.

June, 1995-New York City

"Tina! Over here!" waved Cindy enthusiastically. Tina slowly made her way through the crowd, nearly bumping into several people, until she made it to the corner of the bar. The group she was meeting was sitting on wicker chairs with cushions. 

Cindy got up "Hi sis! Long time no see!" and they hugged. "Let me introduce you to everyone. This is my sister, Tina." she told the group "You know Caitlyn. "she waved from the back "This is Will, Jesse, and Rosa...and this" she gestured with a flourish "is Henry."

Tina shook his hand "It's nice to finally meet you Henry. Congratulations."

"Thanks." Henry said brightly "I'm looking forward to it." He'd dashed here straight from the office, wearing a dress shirt and a pair of jeans. Thank goodness for Casual Friday, or he would have been overdressed.

"That reminds me." Tina grabbed Cindy's hand and studied her ring "Holy shit! It's HUGE!!" 

Cindy looked embarrassed "Tina, don't say it like that!"

"What? It's loud as hell in here." Tina said. 

"Of course it's huge. Cindy's worth it." Henry put her arm around her. "Only the best for you." he smiled at her.

The waitress came by "I"d like a Corona, thanks." Tina said and sat down.

"Another Scotch on the rocks" Henry held up his glass. 

"This is a great place." she gestured around. They were in a rooftop bar. The sun was beginning to set, and the skyscraper lights twinkled. The evening was warm with a gentle breeze. 

"Yeah, we love coming here." said Cindy. "It's usually not this crowded, but it's Friday and it's the first time in a couple weeks it hasn't rained."

"How was the trip in, Tina?" asked Caitlyn. She'd been Cindy's best friend since Freshman Orientation Week. She wore a red silk top and black miniskirt. Her long black hair hung down her back. 

"It was nice. We hit a little turbulence over Michigan. It's about a three hour flight, but I think it took me longer to get a cab at LaGuardia." she laughed. 

"Oooh, sounds pricey." said Will.

Tina shrugged. "I can expense it." It was easy to tell she and Cindy were sisters. Both had dark blond, straight hair, fair skin, and big smiles. If it wasn't for Tina wearing a lot more makeup than Cindy, they could almost be twins. 

"What do you do, Tina?" asked Rosa. The waitress came back with their drink orders. Henry sipped his Scotch.

"I'm a trainer for an educational software company. I travel a lot; I go to different cities to run classes. I'm doing three next week, but I wanted to come out a little early to celebrate with my little sister." she side hugged Cindy. "So Cin, how is school?"

"I got a B- in Anatomy. I'll take it. I never want to do another cadaver lab again. It was so gross." she grimaced and adjusted her black dress. "I'm doing a clinical rotation in the Mt. Sinai PT department this summer. I get my first taste of hands on work."

"Cool!" she turned to Henry "What about you, Henry? Cindy tells me you're with an investment firm."

"Yeah. I started working there as an intern my junior year. When I graduated, they offered me a job."

"He's a rising star." Cindy gushed, taking his hand. "He's already been promoted twice."

"Well, if you count from intern." Henry added sheepishly.

"I do!" Cindy said "I'm so proud of you. They said he was the best junior analyst in the history of the company. He made Employee of the Month twice in his first year."

"Aww, quit embarrassing him, Cin." said Jesse. "So when's the wedding, guys?"

"We haven't set a date yet." Henry replied "It depends on Cindy's school schedule. "

"Yeah, it might make more sense to wait until I graduate in two years." added Cindy. She sipped her strawberry daquiri.

"Although I might go for an MBA in the meantime. I'll need it to move up in the ranks." Henry finished his Scotch and raised his glass again, trying to get the attention of the waitress.

"Cool, dude. As long as it doesn't interfere with hockey practice." Will grinned.

"Never!" They high fived. "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you dude, we bought new computer! It's a Hewlett Packard Pentium with a 33.6K modem. We're on the information superhighway!"

"Cool, man. You got an email? I'll send you some sites to look at." grinned Will. "There's this cool one where Jesus hops on a pogo stick." 

While Henry and Will were talking, Tina asked CIndy "So I don't think I ever asked...how did you two meet?" 

"We had a couple classes freshman year, so we kinda knew each other." said Cindy "Then I didn't see him for a while. Then at the start of senior year, I ran into him at a party his frat was having and we started talking...and things just went from there." 

Caitlyn said "How about a toast to the happy couple?" 

They all clinked glasses. "Cheers!" Henry downed a beer from the table.

"Are you from New York, Henry?" Tina asked. 

"No, I'm from DC. But I'm loving it here." Tina thought he looked a tiny bit agitated "I love the energy of this city. I go jogging in Central Park at 6am and there's tons of people out, walking their dogs, riding their bikes, fellow joggers. And I've become a big Rangers fan." 

"Oh yeah, you couldn't pay me to live in Minneapolis again." Cindy said. "It is so much cooler here."

Caitlyn asked Cindy. "Are your parents coming out?"

"Not right now. They met Henry when they visited last fall. Dad has a bad knee, so he tries to limit his plane trips. He says he gets too stiff from sitting too long, so he'll just come for the wedding. Mom is going to come out by herself and take me dress shopping at some point."

"What about you, Henry? Are your parents going to visit? Have they met Cindy yet?" Tina asked.

His voice suddenly hardened. "My parents are dead." 

She put her hand to her mouth "Oh my God, I'm so sorry."

Seeing her reaction, he lightened up a little "It's okay. It happened a long time ago."

"Do you have any other family?"

"Just my Uncle Stan. He lives in California." Henry got up "Going to the bar. Be right back."

"I am so sorry about that Cindy. I didn't know" Tina said.

"Yeah, he doesn't like to talk about it."

"Well, that's understandable. God, I can't imagine losing Mom and Dad." She lowered her voice "Do you know how they died?"

"They were in a car accident when he was sixteen."

"Jesus." 

"Yeah. He was at a private boarding school when it happened. He stayed with his uncle until he left for college. I haven't met his uncle yet. I've talked to him over the phone a couple times. He seems nice, just a little...I don't know. Distant. He must have had a rough time, all by himself. " 

"Well, he's got you." Tina said brightly "And pretty soon, he'll be part of our family."

Henry returned, Scotch in hand "Did I miss anything?"

"Nope" Cindy smiled. She glanced at the TV "Oh my God. They're going on about the OJ trial again. When will it end?"

Rosa added "I had to stop following it. It's just on TV all the time. I burnt out."

Caitlyn asked "Hasn't it been going on for, like, years?"

Will snorted "Seems like it." 

Henry turned to look at the TV, and a waitress carrying several empty bottles bumped into him, spilling his Scotch.

"HEY!!" he shouted 'WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!" He went from zero to furious so quickly Tina did a double take "You spilled my drink all over my shirt, stupid bitch!"

The waitress-she looked very young-shook a little "I-I'm sorry sir. I'll get you a new drink."

"You better. I want it on the house!" The waitress left, holding back tears.

"Jesus, Henry, calm down." said Will. "It was an accident, all right? It's super crowded in here, she said she was sorry."

"I can't stand incompetence. I don't tolerate it" Henry said angrily, wiping at his shirt "This is silk, all right? It costs me more than she probably makes in a week. Stupid, useless, incompetent. And that drink better not be watered down either!"

Tina leaned over to Caitlyn "Is he always like this?"

Caitlyn replied "Only when he's drinking."

"Which is?"

"Often." 

Tina frowned. She'd met men who exploded with anger. They were bad news.

The waitress came back with a fresh Scotch. Henry sat back "Set it down. Gently. Please." She very carefully set the glass on the counter. "Okay, good, you did something right. Now get out of my face." The tears were now streaming down her face. 

Cindy ran after her, "I'm so sorry about that. He's had a little too much. Here" she handed the waitress a wad of bills "This should cover our drinks. Keep the change." The waitress, too shook up to speak, nodded and took the money. 

Cindy came back and said to Henry "Babe, I think we should to leave. Let's go." The group got up, with Henry flanked on either side by Cindy and Will, and Caitlyn and Tina staying two steps behind. 

\--  
Later that night, Cindy talked to Caitlyn and Tina in the small kitchen area of their apartment. They'd gone to two more bars, fortunately with no outbursts. Will and Jesse had helped him up the stairs. Now Henry was passed out on the couch.

"Cin, what was that about?" Tina asked, fiddling with a glass of water. "It was like being out with the Incredible Hulk. And now he's passed out drunk? Aren't you doing engagement photos tomorrow?"

"Yeah, he just has a temper. It's okay." Cindy shrugged. "And our photo shoot isn't until the afternoon." 

"This happens a lot." Caitlyn said. "The rages, I mean." She kicked off her heels. "To be honest, he scares the shit out of me when it happens. I've been trying to tell her that for months. I have this uncle-he's back in Japan-does the same thing."

"It does not happen a lot!" Cindy said "Maybe...5 percent of the time. The rest of the time, he's really sweet."

Caitlyn gave her a look.

"Okay, maybe ten percent. But only when he's had a lot to drink." she admitted.

"And how many bars did we go to tonight? Is this a weekly occurrence?" Tina asked pointedly.

"Henry's under a lot of stress at work." Cindy said. "He needs to blow off some steam." 

"Lots of people are stressed. They don't go into screaming fits at strangers." Tina told her. "And when does the stress end? After the wedding? After grad school? After you have kids? It's not going to get better."

"Look, I can handle him, all right? I'm good at dealing with yelling." It was true, Tina thought. She'd dealt with difficult teachers, customers when working fast food in high school, sometimes Mom too. In situations where Tina would have cowered, Cindy didn't even flinch. "I'm not some shrinking violet. I handle it."

"Has this gotten worse since the engagement? Do you think he's getting cold feet?"

Cindy shook her head "Getting married was his idea. I was happy to wait until finishing my program to talk about it."

Caitlyn added "It's true. Beforehand he came to me and told me he was certain he wanted to marry her. He asked my opinion on proposal ideas." 

Tina gave up. "Okay, okay. Keep handling him. But if anything goes to shit, call me. I will be on the first plane out here. And I will kick his ass."

Cindy laughed "You're going to kick his ass?"

"Hey! I've been doing Tae Bo! I can pack a good punch!" 

"Haha, sure as long it's choreographed" they all giggled. 

"I should go back to my hotel. I'm meeting some friends for breakfast tomorrow." Tina said. She and Caitlyn said their goodnights.

Cindy sat in the kitchen, pondering their conversation. She loved Henry. She couldn't imagine her life without him. He always apologized after he got angry, saying he didn't mean it. And there were plenty of times when she got right in his face and yelled back when he was being shitty. It was rarely something she did, though. He treated her like a queen. But she remembered the expression on the waitress' face. And Tina's. 

\--  
Henry awoke the next morning with a terrible headache. He went into the bedroom and Cindy was still asleep. He grabbed his robe, moving quietly to avoid disturbing her. One bowl of oatmeal, one cup of coffee, and two Tylenol later, he felt a little better. He read the newspaper until Cindy got up.

"Hey Sleeping Beauty." he put his arms around her "How are you?"

"I'm fine." she gave him a long kiss. "I'm going to grab some coffee and toast."

Henry watched her as she moved around the kitchen. He couldn't believe how lucky he was to have her. He'd noticed her in class that first year. She had a hot body, but thought he was way out of his league. By the time he was a senior, he was more confident, and they'd hit it off so well at that party, staying up until 4am talking. She was beautiful, smart, kind, everything he could possibly want. 

"Babe, what was going on with you last night?" she asked as she spread butter on her toast.

He was a little hazy on the details of last night. Cindy's sister had hung out with them, the bar had had pretty decent Scotch. Then he remembered "Oh, the waitress. I'm sorry about that."

"You were pretty rough on her. Is everything okay?" Cindy asked

"Yeah, I'm just bummed Chris wasn't able to come out and celebrate with us last night." Now a law student at Yale, she was swamped with homework "She wanted to know if we were free for brunch tomorrow."

"Brunch sounds good. Is she bringing Rob?"

"Dunno. I'll ask when I call her back." Henry said. He'd had a thing for Chris way back in middle school, but she didn't feel the same. It was okay; he got over it quickly, and they had a good friendship. She'd done a lot of listening when everything had gone to shit all those years ago. He'd told her not to contradict the car accident story in front of Cindy or his other friends. Too many questions. Too many painful memories. Knowing what he'd been through, Chris complied.

"I'm going to the salon to get my hair and makeup done this morning. We're supposed to meet the photographer at 3. Should we leave around 2:30?" 

"Okay. I think I have to put more money on my MetroCard. I'm not sure how much is left" Their photos would be taken in Central Park. They would look amazing. He hoped he wouldn't be too sensitive to the sunlight by then. _Never again_ , he thought. But he'd thought that before too.   
Henry looked around. He'd really made something of himself in the past few years. A great start to his career. A gorgeous, fantastic fiancee. A swanky, modern apartment when a lot of his former classmates were living in shitholes. He had a lot of good friends like Will and Chris. Yet sometimes, even when he was surrounded by people he cared about, he felt empty. Like he was watching his life from the outside. And when that happened, he'd do anything to make it go away.

\--

For their photos, Cindy wore a light blue dress, and Henry wore a polo shirt and khakis. "Everything looks great!" the photographer told them. "You two make a cute couple." Henry smiled. He felt okay. Everything was all right. 

After the photo shoot, Henry and Cindy met with Tina for an early dinner at a Chinese restaurant. Tina was pleasant, but Cindy could tell she didn't feel quite comfortable around Henry. She told him when he was out of earshot "I talked to him about it this morning. It's okay." Tina looked doubtful. They made plans to see _Braveheart_ with Tina, and go to a club afterwards, but first Cindy wanted to go hone and change. "I better not catch you swooning over Mel Gibson" Henry playfully teased. 

\--

Henry put on the Yankees-Mariners game while Cindy got dressed and did her nails. He got up to get a snack and drink in the refrigerator "Hey, are we out of milk?" he called.

Cindy appeared in the doorway, fanning out her hands. "Yeah, I meant to get some on the way home from the salon and completely spaced out. I'll get some tomorrow on the way home."

"But what if I want cereal tomorrow?"

"Well, you can either go to the convenience store and get some now, or have something else."

"I don't like going to that store. I saw a rat in there once."

"Ewww" her face wrinkled "Maybe the Duane Reade? It's not that far. I'm not sure when they close, maybe ten?"

"That's not the point. You should have gotten the milk." he said sharply. 

"Henry, what is the big deal?" she stopped pulling on her pantyhose. "It's just milk."

"You should have remembered, is all. You said you were going to get it. Why are you always forgetting things?!" he was visibly agitated. "Do I have to do everything around here?!"

"You can't talk to me like that!" shouted Cindy. 

"Don't tell me how to talk! I will say whatever the fuck I want!" Henry didn't let up. 

"You know what? I'm not putting up with your shit tonight. I'm going to stay with Caitlyn." 

Henry' face changed from anger to fear "No, no no no no"

"Yes I will!!" She went into the bedroom, grabbed some clothes, and threw them in her gym bag. "You cool off and deal with whatever your problem is." 

"Cindy!" his voice turned from anger to agitation. "Don't leave. Please." He rushed over to her, hovering "I love you. I don't want you to go." He reached out for her, but she pushed his hand away.

"Tough shit. I'm going, and don't you dare come after me!" She slammed the door as she left.

Henry slumped to the floor. Cindy had left. He was by himself. He stomped around for a bit, screaming at the walls, until the upstairs neighbor knocked on the floor with a muffled "Shut up!"

He tried going back to the Yankees game, but he couldn't sit still. The emptiness felt like it would consume him. He had to get out of there. He wandered around the neighborhood for a while. Lots of restaurants and clubs were open, but he didn't feel like eating or dancing. He didn't feel like seeing happy couples together. He needed a drink to calm him down. Or three. Or six. Around midnight, he stopped at a dive bar and went in.

\--  
Cindy sat in Caitlyn's living room. They had a movie on, but neither of them were paying much attention. 

"Thanks for letting me stay here." she said "I could have gone to Tina's, but I didn't want to admit she was right."

Caitlyn laughed "Any time. So what are you going to do now?"

She sighed "I don't know yet. I'm not ready to give up on Henry. But right now, I'm fucking pissed. If he thinks we're going to spend our life together with him screaming at me, it's not happening. What the fuck is problem?"

"Damn straight" Caitlyn said "I mean, I like you guys as a couple, but you do not need to put up with that."

"But yeah, I don't know what this means long term. I just need to calm down so I can think straight." 

"It's okay. You'll figure it out." Caitlyn told her. 

\--  
The bar was small, dark and humid, with a handful of customers scattered about the few tables. The scent of cigarette smoke hung in the air. It matched his mood perfectly. A single bartender was on duty, a woman with short black hair. Henry sat at the bar and tried to get her attention; she had her back turned to the cash register. He drummed his fingers on the bar. How long did it take to get some service?

Finally, she came over, half focused on a customer on the opposite side of the bar. "What can I get..." and stopped. 

"Johnnie Walker on the rocks." he said "If you don't have that, give me your best whiskey." He didn't think a place like this had many quality liquors.

"Henry" she spit out "It's you."

"How'd you know my name?" he asked. 

"Henry" she said "It's me. It's Paige."

He took a closer look, as best as he could in the poor lighting. Her hair was very different, she was rail-thin, and she looked like she'd aged twenty years. But yes. It was his sister.

\--  
Paige couldn't believe it. She'd spent so much time trying to find Henry, and he just walked into her bar. "I'm so glad I found you!" she said "I've been looking for you for the past..."

"How long have you been back?" He asked. His tone was flat.

"I never left." she told him. "I was supposed to go, and..."

"Get away from me." he snapped.

"What?" This wasn't what she expected.

"Get your commie ass away from me." He got up and turned to leave. 

"Wait!" she said, coming from behind the bar. "Don't go!"

"I have nothing say to you." His face hardened "Leave me alone."

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"I'm gonna find a phone and call the police. They're going to throw you in jail for what you've done. Now let me past." 

"No. I can't let you do that." She didn't think if the police would even care at this point, but she wasn't taking any chances. 

"What are you going to do?" He told her as he reached for the door. She put her hand over the door knob."Don't do this. Talk to me."

He was going to fling her hand away, but she pulled it behind his back and grabbed him. He cried out "Aahhh? What the hell?!"

A waiter came over. "Jen, what's going on?"

Paige replied "Oh, he's giving me problems. I can handle him." This was, unfortunately, a regular occurrence. "Hey, can you cover the bar for a bit?"

"Sure, he said. "Let me know if you need help with him."'

She let go of Henry "Come with me to the back room." she told him.

"Jesus." Henry asked as they walked back "How'd you learn how to do that?"

"Mom" She opened the door and they went into a musty storeroom with beer cases and kegs. She sat down on a crate "Start talking. What was that about?" she asked sternly.

"I told you, I'm not..." 

"No, I don't accept that." she cut him off "Stop screwing around and tell me."

"How could you do it?! How could you betray your country?!" He paced around the back room. "Mom and Dad were Russian, I know that. But you? This is your country."

"I didn't think of it that way." she said "At the time, I thought I was working for peace."

"How? By killing people? By helping the Soviets build weapons?!"

"I never laid a hand on anyone! Just gathered information." Her expression was fierce.

"Yeah right. " he scoffed. "The FBI showed me what your people did, during one of my many, many rounds of questioning."

Her face fell. "I know. I don't like it either. But I wasn't part of those operations." 

"But you were part of the effort!"

"I didn't know about the killings, the big picture, until much later. Mom and Dad didn't tell me a lot of things." 

"And that's another thing. Why did they tell you and not me? Was it because you went to that stupid pinko church?" he kept pacing. "Or was it just because they liked you better?"

"Henry" she asked "Are you really this angry over the work?"

He was silent for a few minutes. Then, in a low voice, he said "You all abandoned me."

"I know." she said softly" I'm so sorry about that. I didn't want to..." 

Henry continued "Do you have any idea how much destruction you and Mom and Dad caused? To all of us? I spent years trying to get over it. Everything I knew about my life was a lie. I was orphaned, I've been followed by the FBI. I lost friends. And Stan? It ruined his career. He's a pencil pusher now. Renee left him. He can barely speak to me. _You all ruined my life_ , Paige. I had nobody. And then I find out you've been in America all this time and you didn't come back for me?"

Paige sighed. She was tired of being a verbal punching bag. "You know what Henry? I'm sorry it was rough for you, but you can't blame everything on me. You had a rough life? You did? You were enrolled in a fancy elite high school. You had friends who cared about you. You got to finish college. Look at you! You're wearing designer clothes. You're drinking good Scotch, for fuck's sake!  
"I had nothing-practically no money, no place to go, no one to ask for advice, no job prospects. Or even the ability to get a job. I couldn't use my real name. I still can't. My years in college basically count for nothing. All that work, down the drain. The FBI nearly caught me a couple times. I've been homeless. If it wasn't for the kindness of a few people who helped me out, I'd probably be dead. I've spent the past eight years scraping together an existence, hiding. I live in a shitty studio apartment and I work two jobs to support myself. What keeps me going is the hope some day I could find my family again. And I wouldn't be alone." 

_Alone_. The word hit Henry like a ton of bricks. That was the name for the emptiness he felt He was quiet for a few moments. "I've felt so alone too. I'm surrounded by people all the time, but I can't tell them about this. The times I've had, it....didn't go well."

Paige looked down. "I know that feeling very well. I can't tell anyone who I am or what happened to me."

She added "It sounds like we've both had a rough time. But I can tell you this: it wasn't that Mom and Dad didn't tell you because they liked me better. They loved you very much. It broke their hearts to leave you." 

Paige's coworker opened the door "I need some help up front." He looked at Henry "He can't be back here. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I know, sorry. We go way back-just hashing some things out. I'll be right out." Paige said. She headed towards the door "I get off at two. Want to wait for me? We'll talk more."

"Okay" Henry said.

"I'll get that Johnnie Walker for you. On the house." she disappeared through the door. Henry followed slowly. He had a lot to digest.

\--  
"I have so many questions to ask, I don't even know where to start" Henry said. They were walking back to his apartment. So many things he had wondered about for years. "Umm..let's start with: what happened to you since they left?"

"So..I was supposed to go to Russia with them. I didn't really want to go, but Mom insisted. You know how she can be. And I just went along with it." She paused. "When we saw Stan in the parking garage, he mentioned the deaths of all these people..."

"Wait, what?"

"He never told you about that?"

"No" 

"It was the parking garage of my building the day we left. He knew who we were. He let us go."

Henry was speechless. He felt shocked and angry, but also, that Stan's actions since then made more sense. It was like the pieces of a puzzle falling into place.

Paige continued "Mom and Dad denied killing them, but I didn't believe them. There was this general Mom met in the woods that she said 'committed suicide'". Just before that, I'd found out Mom was doing some...other questionable things. I felt like I didn't know them anymore. The idea of spending the rest of my life in a strange country, where I didn't speak the language..with people that I loved but I wasn't sure I liked at that point..what kind of life was I going to have? With every step I was filled with dread. We drove to Albany and boarded an Amtrak train. The plan was to get off in Canada and fly to Europe. They wouldn't tell me where we'd fly into. They kept me in the dark about a lot of things. We had to sit separately to avoid suspicion, and before we crossed into Canada, I got off. I didn't say anything. The last time I saw them was through the train window.

"I went back to DC. Stayed in a Centre safehouse briefly. I didn't know if anyone from my previous life could be trusted or if they would turn me in. I was homeless for three months. I...did some things I'm not too proud of. I ran into someone from the church, completely by chance. She helped me out. The FBI got on my tail again and she suggested I stay with her friends in Cleveland.

"I was in Cleveland until March of last year. I waitressed. I did some activism. I ended up in a terrible relationship with someone who took advantage of me." She sighed "Then I made plans to get out of there. it took me a year and a half to save up the money-I wanted a cushion so I didn't end up homeless again. I knew you'd gone to NYU, but I didn't know where you were after you graduated. I thought there was a good chance you'd stay in New York. I didn't know how to find you after that. The NYU Alumni Association wouldn't tell me anything. I decided I might as well stay here and figure out next steps, and then you walked into my bar."

"Shit, Paige, that's a lot." He looked at her in the streetlight. The years of turmoil had taken their toll on her. Her face was covered in lines. Her skin was pale; she looked haggard. 

He stopped "We're here." 

Paige looked up and down the street "Think it's safe?"

He nodded "They haven't had agents on me for a couple years, to my knowledge. Do you really think they're interested in us now?"

They went in the lobby "Probably not. Though I wonder if they're still mad I attacked an agent." 

"You did what?"

"He was Mr. Aderholt's partner too. Mostly I caught him by surprise." Henry unlocked his apartment, and they walked in "Shit, this is nice." she said, looking around at the apartment. "I live in this ancient building in Queens. I think it was a former tenement. The bathroom wall is crumbling and the light bulbs in the kitchen burn out after two weeks. I've given up replacing them." 

"I've done pretty well for myself, as you've noted." he sat down. "After what happened, I spent some time feeling sorry myself. Everything I thought I knew about my life was wrong, you know? Stan and Renee gave me a place to stay, but they also told me all of Mom and Dad's assets were frozen as part of the investigation, and would probably be forfeited. Nobody was going to be looking out for me and if I failed, I'd be screwed. I buckled down, busted my ass to study. A lot of my friends parents put in to a fund for tuition of orphaned kids, so that and some money from the Beemans covered junior and senior year. I worked part time jobs on campus at St. Edwards and full time in the summers with my friend's dad. I got a very good financial aid package from NYU, partly on an excellent academic record and partly on account of not having parental support. I did such a good job at my internship they insisted on keeping me on full-time after I graduated, and they gave me a good salary." 

"I'm proud of you. Mom and Dad would be too."

"Even though you all hate capitalism?"

"Okay, maybe Mom would be a little less proud" she admitted "I don't quite subscribe to all their beliefs anymore. I met some Russian immigrants in Cleveland, and between that and my other experiences, I started questioning a lot of what they told me. Reading more. Talking to lots of different people. I still do activism, mostly focused on making the country bettter. I protested outside Newt Gingrich's fundraiser dinner last week. 'Give Newt the boot! Give Newt the boot!'" she pumped her fist in the air and laughed.

"But anyway, that was a big reason I didn't try to find you right away. It was the FBI monitoring, sure, but I didn't want you to live the kind of life I was living."  
They were silent for a moment "You know, in the later years, even before they left, I always felt Mom and Dad paid more attention to you. You'd go off and have conversations with the three of you, when I wasn't around. I felt left out. I thought for a long time maybe it was just something that happened in families. But my friends' families, there were no secret conversations. There was also no leaving in the middle of the night or parents who worked during the day and then overnight. There's so much weird shit from my childhood I never questioned, because I didn't know it was weird."

"There was. Oh god." said Paige "Remember that 'surprise vacation' years ago?'"

Henry laughed "I always wondered why Mom and Dad looked so unhappy to be on vacation that time. I thought it was maybe they were fighting again." 

"Oh, they had their share of disagreements. Dad actually quit about three years before we left. He didn't talk about it a lot, just that he didn't want to do it anymore. I mostly worked with Mom."

Henry asked "Why did they tell you and not me? Was there something wrong with me? Was I not good enough?"

"No, no, nothing like that." Paige said "Mom said when I started working with Pastor Tim, I had an inclination to 'the right ideas'. Dad didn't want either of us to be involved. Mom did. So they decided it would just be one of us. That was the compromise."

"It was a shitty compromise."

"Yeah, in a lot of ways, they were shitty parents. But they had a lot of things on their plate." 

"Yeah, us, the travel agency, their work.." Henry paused "Why involve you at all, if they knew it was dangerous? Why even have children? It seems like it made everything more complicated."

"I don't know" Paige shrugged. "They wanted to have kids? The plan wasn't for me to go taking people out. I wouldn't have done it. The plan was for me to work at the State Department, or an something like that, and get information."

"Would you still want to do that now, if you could?"

"Well, it's a moot point, isn't it?" she shook her head "No, I think I'd rather help people on a smaller scale. Where I can see the direct results of my actions. I worked with a couple of homeless shelters and social services groups in Cleveland. Kind of like the food pantry stuff I did in high school. I always felt good about doing it." Paige got up and looked around the apartment "Girlfriend?" she said, pointing to a picture.

"Fiancee, actually." Henry replied "Her name is Cindy Reed."

"Congratulations!" said Paige 

"We met at school. Now she's a physical therapy student at Columbia."

"Does she..know?"

"I've been telling people Mom and Dad died in a car accident, and I didn't want to talk about it any further. Most people are understanding. The only people who know the full story are Stan, Renee, and my friend Doug from grade school. Stan really tried to be supportive, at first. But the closeness we had faded. He stopped confiding in me about things. He told me he couldn't tell me a lot about Mom and Dad investigation due to confidentiality rules, but I don't know if that's true. I kept myself busy with work and school, so we didn't see each other much. The visits were fewer and fewer. Then he moved to California, and we're down to a couple phone calls a year. I haven't even told him Cindy and I are getting married. I don't know what happened with him and Renee, but I haven't talked to her since they separated."

"It was probably us." Paige said mournfully.

"Have you heard from Mom and Dad at all?" he asked.

"No. Nothing since that day at the train station. They were going to Moscow, but I don't know if they ever made it."

Henry paused "So what are you going to do now?"

Paige shrugged "The same thing. I have to be back at the bar tonight. I'm glad I'm not working my other job today-I also waitress at a place near Rockefeller Center. I do homeless outreach too, handing out packages of food and hygiene products. Nobody ever thinks that homeless women need pads and tampons. I insisted that we do."

He scrunched his face at the mention of feminine hygiene products "How do you do all that? When do you sleep?"

"I've gotten very good at staying awake. And there's a lot of times over the years I had no choice." she admitted.

"I could get you a job in my office. How fast can you type?"

She laughed "Henry, I haven't typed a thing in eight years."

"Well, it just seems a shame for you to be where you are, you were always so smart. Maybe I could help you out in another way. Want to take some classes at CUNY?" 

"I guess I could. I got new IDs before I left Cleveland. I'm Jennifer Cummings now." she smiled. Thanks I"ll think about what I'd like to do." 

They kept talking, reminiscing about crazy things their parents did, about things from their pasts until well after the sun was up.

\--  
They heard a key turn in the door, and Cindy came in. "Henry? Are you up?" her tone was pleasant.

Henry went into the hallway. "Oh my god, Cindy" he said, hugging her "I'm so, so sorry about what happened. I don't blame you for leaving. I was out of control. I'll do anything to make it up to you."

This was different. Cindy looked at his face. He had day old stubble and looked like he hadn't slept, yet somehow he looked joyous. Like he was no longer carrying three tons of stress. "I hope so" she hugged him back "Let's talk about it over coffee. I need to change and..." she looked past him, to the dining room table "Who's she?" she asked sharply

"Oh!" he'd almost forgotten "I can explain. It's not what you think."

"Henry, did you pick up this skank last night? And bring her to my home?" 

"Hey!" interjected Paige

Cindy was backing towards the door "What the hell is your problem, Henry? I leave for one night and you..."

"I'm his sister." Paige blurted out "Paige Jennings. I've been MIA for the past few years."

She looked at Henry "You don't have a sister."

This wasn't how he wanted Cindy to find out, but he was going to have to tell her the truth. "Wait right here. I'm going to get something." He went into the bedroom and returned with a cardboard box. 

He took out some photos and passed them to Cindy "This is my Mom and Dad. Elizabeth and Phillip Jennings. This is the four of us, together." He'd never shown her photos of his parents. "I don't have many pictures, just what I had with me at school." 

Cindy looked at the photos and at Paige. "Okay. But why didn't you tell me you had a sister?"

"I told you my parents died in a car accident, but that wasn't true." He took a deep breath and pulled out some more items from the box "Our parents were undercover Russian spies." He handed her the Wanted posters "I didn't know. They kept it secret from me. They'd come from Russia, but they spoke perfect English. We lived a totally normal suburban life. They ran a travel agency. Paige and I went to school. We were like any other family. Then..they left the country because they were found out. And they left me here."

Cindy was speechless. 

"I know..this is a lot. And I should have told you but...it didn't go well with the few people who knew. Uncle Stan-he's not actually my uncle, he was a family friend-he was like a second father to me, but after that happened, he gradually became distant. Like I was somehow tainted by what Mom and Dad had done. Same thing with my friend Doug. We'd known each other practically all our lives, and I told him, and..he started looking at me with suspicion. He kept asking me 'how did you not know your parents were spies?' He just kept ragging on me. Asking me questions I couldn't and didn't want to answer."

"Mom and Dad were very good." added Paige. She had tears in her eyes "Sorry. I just haven't seen any pictures of them since they fled."

Cindy asked "And where do you fit in?"

"I knew. They told me when I was sixteen. They wanted to take me with them. They thought Henry would be better off in America because he didn't know anything. I was going to but I changed my mind. It's a long story." Paige said. "I've been hiding out ever since."

"Chris knew me when we lived in Falls Church." Henry told her "She'll confirm Paige's identity when we see her today. When it happened, the headmaster at St. Edwards told everyone Mom, Dad, and Paige went missing and the FBI was involved. That's all she knows. I couldn't lose another person." 

"Where are your parents now?"

"We don't know. Neither of us has heard from them since. We don't even know if they ever made it back to Russia, or if they're still alive." 

Cindy took Henry's hands. "You know, this explains so much about you. The outbursts of anger, how you reacted last night when I left..." 

He nodded "Overachieving to compensate for feeling unloved and unworthy. At work. With you."

She smiled "You're plenty worthy of me. But I'm going to need some time to process all this."

Paige said "I'm gonna go. You guys probably have a lot to talk about. Plus, I've been up for 36 hours." 

"Will we see you again?" Cindy asked.

"Of course. " The three of them made plans for later in the week, and Paige left. 

Paige rode the 7 train home. Despite her exhaustion, she wanted to dance and shout. She had to restrain herself from dancing through the mostly empty train car. For the first time in many years, she felt whole. 

\--  
February 1996:

Paige walked quickly through the playground, the snow crunching under her feet. She shivered through her thin coat. Henry had left her a message, asking to meet tonight. She wasn't sure she'd find him in the dark, but the street light illuminated his figure. He was sitting across from the swings. 

Henry looked up "I heard from Dad."

Her heart skipped a beat. "What did he say?"

"He's coming back. He wants to see us."

Her head swam with so many thoughts and emotions, she was silent for a moment. Finally she asked "Is Mom coming too?"

"Paige" his voice cracked "Mom's dead."


	6. Let Me Bid You Farewell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1996-Paige and Henry learn what happened to their parents.

March 1996

Somewhere in the Adirondacks

"How much time until we arrive?" Paige asked.

"The last sign we passed said 200 miles to Montreal. So about 3 1/2 hours?". They'd put on music but there had been little conversation. They were both lost in thought. 

It had been two weeks Henry had gotten a call from Dad. He couldn't talk for long. He was about to fly into Canada and asked to meet in Montreal, on this date. It was too risky for him to enter the United States. He gave them the address of a hotel and said he'd meet him in the bar.He'd explain what happened to Mom then. Henry couldn't bring anyone. "Does that include Paige?" Henry had asked, and a moment of silence before Dad had said quickly "No! Bring her!" and had to end the call.

"He's going to be in Canada tomorrow? Why can't we come then?" Paige had asked.

Henry had shrugged "He didn't say."

Now, Paige started out the window at the bare trees on the roadside and the white capped mountains. She'd slept part of the way, having worked the night before, and Henry had picked up her up at 8am. "How are things going with the counselor?"

"I stopped going." Henry said. 

"Why?"

"It wasn't helping any more. She wanted to know why. I couldn't tell her." He added. "I told Cindy. She understands. She's happy with the progress I've made."  
At Cindy's request, Henry went to see a counselor about his anger issues. He'd learned techniques to not take his anger out on other people. In fact, he'd only had one outburst at a person in the past six months, at a co-worker who missed a deadline. He'd apologized profusely to her afterwards. But the past few sessions, he and the counselor had been at odds with each other. She said patiently he needed to get at the root of his anger, and he sat in stony silence. There was no reason to continue wasting his time. Cindy had also suggested he go to AA but he thought he could cut down on drinking on his own. He wasn't one of those alcoholic losers who drank all day.

He didn't expect Mom's death to affect him so much. She'd lied to him. She'd left him. He hadn't heard from her in years. Even before, he'd been closer to Dad; she'd never come to see him at school. Looking back at all the times she'd been gone, it seemed like spying was more important to her than he was. Other than some awkward attempts at conversation in the last month before they left, they hadn't really talked about anything other than superficial matters. But he hadn't been sleeping well, he didn't want to go out, and it took an extra push of effort to get through every day. He hadn't been to the gym since. Thankfully Cindy had been patient with him; they spent a lot of evenings watching TV and cuddling. 

"Yeah, that makes sense." Paige said "What is Cindy up to this weekend?"

"She's starting a new exercise class. She says she needs to lose weight before the wedding. I told her she didn't need to; she was going to be beautiful. She was upset because she and Caitlyn went to a bridal show and the dress that fit her was a twelve." 

"Oh, they size wedding dresses small for some reason." Paige rolled her eyes. "Probably to make women feel bad about themselves so they buy more things. More makeup, more skin care products, more diet foods. It's ridiculous."

"So..not something you'd do when you get married?"

"Hah! I don't know if that's happening." She hadn't wanted to date in a while, and she wasn't going to worry about it. "Plus, why is she going crazy with exercising now? The wedding is over a year away."

"For some reason dresses have to be purchased waaaay in advance." he said. "I don't get it." He added "It's too bad you can't come."

"I'd like to." He'd felt obligated to invite Stan, Henry explained. Plus there was the matter of many pictures that would be taken. 

They were quiet after that. Paige wondered for the hundredth time in the past two weeks, if Dad would be angry with her for leaving. Or the things she said to Mom right beforehand about her being a whore. She'd never apologized for that, and now she never would. Did Mom go to her grave thinking Paige hated her? Hated both of them? 

\--  
Ottawa, Ontario

Phillip sat in his hotel room, heart pounding. He'd dreamed of this day for so many years, and now that it was here, he was a mess. He felt a mixture of regret, sadness, anxiety, and excitement. His hands shook while he was getting dressed. He used to be better at this.

He was going to do something he'd rarely done in his adult life. He was going to tell the truth. It wouldn't be easy. They might hate him for it. He still need to do it. He owed them that much.

He needed to get going. It was a two hour drive to Montreal, and he didn't want to be late.   
\--

They reached the border checkpoint. Paige handed Henry her driver's license to give to the guard, and he noticed her stiffen "It's an old habit" she said quietly. The guard handed back their IDs without incident, and they were on their way. An hour to go before they arrived.  
\--

Montreal, Quebec

They reached the hotel. Henry parked the car and shut off the ignition. Neither of them moved.

"I don't even know what to say to him" Henry said. He laid his head on the steering wheel.

"Me either." Paige admitted "Where do we begin?"

"Are we even going to recognize each other?" 

She hadn't thought Dad might be in disguise. How would they find him? "I don't know." The car was getting cold. She reached for the door "Only one way to find out."

\--

They walked into the bar, the Bisou, and looked around. "There" Paige subtly pointed to their father in a back table. He was undisguised. His hair had begun to turn grey, and he seemed smaller, but it was unmistakably him. She walked over swiftly, with Henry following. 

The way he'd spoken over the phone, they thought he would be low key with them. To her surprise, Dad gave each of them a big hug "I'm sorry for this-what we put you through." he said softly.

They sat down. Nobody said anything for a moment.

Finally Henry asked "Dad, how did you find me? How did you get my number?"

"Oh. Our people knew where you were, approximately. I didn't know where you were working until the _New York Times_ printed your engagement photo. Congratulations, by the way." he gave a small smile. "Then it was a matter of calling the switchboard and pretending to be a colleague. We didn't know where Paige was after she left Rouses Point. You made it impossible to track you down." He looked at her" But if we couldn't find you, neither could the Feds. I'm so glad you found each other."

Paige gave him an abbreviated account of her adventures. "With Henry's help, I'm doing some community college courses. I'd like to get into nonprofit management. So many of the services I encountered over the years, they were poorly run by people who meant well, but really weren't equipped to do it, and they had no budget for training or education on how to manage other people. Henry and I have been talking about that a lot."

"Paige, you have your mother's determination and self-reliance. She would be so proud of you." Phillip told her.

"Will you tell us what happened to Mom?" Henry asked 

"That's why I came. Well, one of the reasons." Philip said. He drew a deep breath. "This is what happened."

\--  
September 1990  
Moscow, Russia

Philip had his arm around Elizabeth's shoulders. He could feel her shivering even under all the blankets. They'd been waiting in the clinic to be seen for over two hours. He went up to the receptionist "Look, she's very sick. Can she be seen soon?" 

"She will be seen as soon as we can." the receptionist replied curtly. "We have a lot of sick people today."

Philip sat down again on the bench next to Elizabeth, and stared at the grimy wall. Over the past six months, she'd been sick, and nobody knew why. Always thin, she now looked skeletal. Before, she'd always been healthy, aside from the occasional occupational injury. At the physical they'd had upon returning to Moscow, the physician in fact had pronounced them both to be in perfect health. _The doctors here aren't advanced as the ones in America_ , he thought. Maybe they'd missed something.

He was worried. Things in Moscow were changing rapidly, so fast he couldn't keep track. Elizabeth was his anchor. What would he do if it was something serious?   
Finally, they were called in to see the doctor. Philip held her arm around Elizabeth to steady her. She'd already fallen once, earlier. The doctor was a mostly bald man in his sixties. He wore glasses and had a white mustasche. "Hello, Nadezhda. I hear you've been having fevers."

"Yes" she said quietly "Fevers, diarrhea. Weakness." 

"Hmmm..." he said "Any similar illnesses before this?"

"Nothing remarkable. I had a bad reaction to chloramphenicol once, but that was years ago."

"Any travel outside the country?"

She paused, then said "Yes. America. Several years ago. And Mexico." she added.

He raised his eyebrows and said nothing "Any others?" she shook her head. 

The doctor took her vitals and gave her an examination. When he looked in her mouth, he suddenly became alarmed. "I need a blood sample." he said, backing away, and looked at Philip "You too."

"Why?" Philip asked. What was going on?

"Just do it." The nurse started to roll up his sleeve. He yanked his arm back "No, no no. I'm not doing anything until you tell me what this is about!"

The doctor looked grim "We think it's AIDS." he said.

\--

Philip got up to greet his brother Piotr as he came into the hospital room. They hugged "Mischa" he said "I'm so sorry." 

Elizabeth had been in the hospital for the last three days receiving IV fluids. They were trying to find a combination of drugs that would control her symptoms, but all   
drugs were in short supply. Phillip had only left her side briefly, to go home, shower, and nap. She was currently asleep.

He was glad to see Piotr. He'd still been a boy when he'd left for America, and had become a good man. Aside from some assorted cousins, he was the only family Phillip had left in Russia.

"How is she doing?" Piotr asked.

"A little better. More with it. Still feverish" He'd called Piotr this morning when the diagnosis was official. Her test had come back positive. His was negative. He'd spent the past few days tortured, wondering if every ache and pain was a sign of virus infiltration. Getting a clean test was only a partial relief.

"How did she get a homosexual disease?" Piotr asked

"It's not a homosexual disease, Piotr. Anybody can get it." he said. He didn't know that much about AIDS, actually. Between the travel agency, the kids, and carrying out the Centre's orders, he only had time to follow news events that were relevant to their mission. He said in a low voice "Look, in the work we did she...had a lot of partners. We both did. But nobody we know of who was..high risk."

He nodded. Philip saw a nurse pass by in the hallway "Hey! in here!" he called. "Can we get some more water?" 

The nurse scurried off. Within a minute, she returned and passed a carafe through the door "Thank you." Phillip said. He turned to Piotr "Hardly anyone's been in here since she was admitted. The nurse who was supposed to do the IV refused; they had to get the head nurse to do it. She says they're all a little skittish because there are no gloves right now. They're supposed to get more next week. That's what they've said about all their supplies." he frowned. 

Two younger men came in. One had dark hair and a neatly trimmed beard. The other was clean shaven and had sandy brown hair. "Hello." said the bearded man." We are from the Health Minister's office. We need to talk to Nadhezha. Alone." 

"She's sleeping. Can you come back?" Philip said.

"It's important. It won't take long. Step out, please."

\--

PIotr and Phillip sat in the dark hallway. "So, how is work?" Piotr made a fumbling attempt at conversation.

"It's okay." In fact, it was pretty dull. They'd had to lay low for a while after their return to Moscow, when the pro-Gorbachev forces assumed control of the KGB again. Then he and Elizabeth had been assigned to work with new Directorate S recruits. As some of the most experienced agents, their expertise about life in America was invaluable. A year ago, the program was shut down. They'd been reassigned to review surveillance photos, and it was sitting at a desk all day. Philip preferred to interact with people; this was the worst task they could have possibly given him. 

The men returned "She told us." said the bearded man" It happened in America. We were informed of your..activities there."

Philip was in disbelief "How? We always used protection. Orders." She insisted on it with her marks, telling them she wanted to avoid an unwanted pregnancy. She always brought the condoms herself. She'd been on the pill, too, just in case. 

"Yes, yes, we asked her about this. But there was one partner where she had forgone prophylactics" he looked at his paper. "Someone named Gregory."

The name stung Phillip in the heart. _Gregory_. "They were together years ago. Why is she only showing symptoms now?"

"HIV has a long incubation period. I understand he has been dead for some time. We have concluded there is no immediate threat to Moscow." My condolences to both of you." The sandy-haired man muttered something under his breath.

Philip sat up "What did you say?"

He shrugged "Nothing."

"Did you call her a whore?" he grabbed the man's shirt collar. "Did you call my wife a whore?!"

He suddenly smirked "She brought a decadent Western disease to our country. Whore is too good for her." 

"She spent twenty goddamn years serving her country, you pissant! What have you ever done?"

He felt Piotr's hands on his shoulders "Easy, easy. You're no good to Nadezhda if you're in jail." Philip let go, still shaking with anger.

The men left. Philip went with Piotr back into Elizabeth's room, still enraged. Elizabeth was still awake. "How are you feeling?" he asked softly, while holding her hand.

"I've been better." her voice was hoarse. They talked for a few minutes until she fell asleep again.   
\--

Phillip brought Elizabeth a cup of tea on the couch. She'd been discharged the day before. The doctor had been able to get her fever down and had started her on AZT. She'd regained some of her strength, but she didn't say much, but mostly stared out the small window in the living room.

They now lived on the sixth floor of a high rise apartment building. The furnishings were second hand and the decor was outdated, but there had been a shortage of housing in Moscow for some time. They were lucky to not have to share with another family, as many of their colleagues had done. 

Philip was terrified. He'd watched people die many times before, sometimes by his own hand. The thought of going through that with his wife was unbearable.

"Philip" Elizabeth said suddenly. She sometimes lapsed back into his American name. "It wasn't Gregory. I tried to tell them. They wouldn't listen."

"Wait, how do you know?"

"I got tested. About a year before we left. I needed to be sure. I was negative." She looked at him. "And I haven't been with anyone else since we returned."  
He believed her. It might have been foolish; they were both excellent liars. Maybe he needed to believe her.

"So then what happened?" He asked, concerned. 

"That would just leave the last year. That Jackson kid. One or two others. But..." she added "that also seems unlikely. Something seems very wrong about all this. Just a feeling."

"Let me see what I can find out." Phillip told her. He put his arms around her and hoped she wouldn't notice his rapid heart beat. 

\--  
"I'm sorry, Mischa" Gabriel said. They were out walking on a sunny day near the Tomb of the Unknown Solider "I feel terrible about what happened to Nadhezha as well. But all agents in America have been ordered not to run any operations."

Gabriel was still active with the KGB, although he was getting up in years. He and Phillip saw each other at work on a regular basis. He was a higher rank and was privy to a great deal of operational information.

"Are you sure we can't make an exception? Look, it's a quick trip to Georgia. Two days max. In and out of the doctor's office. No ramifications for national security." 

Gabriel shook his head.

Phillip continued "She wouldn't have been sick if she hadn't been in America. They owe her this."

"She's getting a pension and being prioritized for medication. That's more than most of the people in her condition are getting." Gabriel told him.

The two men walked in silence for a bit. Phillip asked "The agents in America-are they coming back?"

"Some of them are. The oldest ones, they all want to return. The ones with children-some of them want to stay until their children leave home. Others want their children to experience the Motherland. It's a 50-50 split."

Phillip nodded. If only they'd been able to stay for two more years. They could have returned once Henry went to college. They had been so close...

Gabriel asked "How is Mischa?"

"Good. He's had to work a lot of overtime at the factory, lately, but otherwise he's fine." Phillip had spent time with his Mischa on a regular basis since returning to Moscow. He enjoyed getting to know his son, and Mischa loved hearing about America. Their get-togethers were always bittersweet, as he was reminded of the children he'd lost. _They were practically adults._ Phillip told himself. _They were fine_. He repeated this to himself on a near daily basis. On some days, he actually believed it.

"They haven't heard anything about..."

"No. We still don't know where Paige is." he turned to Philip "Given the circumstances in which she...left, she had a limited number of options." He looked grave. "You need to accept that she may not be found."

Philip was silent for a moment. Then he said "I've lost my children. I have no idea what happened to my daughter. I can't have that happen with Nadhezha too." 

Gabriel nodded. "I'll see what I can do."

\--  
"Gabriel got someone to run it. We should have news in a couple days." Philip told Elizabeth over dinner. 

"Good." she said. She was eating again, though not much. The conversation reminded Phillip of being back in America. He had the urge to look around the corner to make sure the kids weren't listening. 

"It's hard to believe. After all the years I spent doing dangerous work, this is what I die from." she lamented.

"Don't talk like that." Philip said feebly "There are medicines now that can help you." The look on her face showed she didn't believe him either. 

Neither of them spoke for a while. Then she asked "How are things at the office?"

"About the same. Everyone's on edge. Nobody knows what's happening. We don't know what Gorbachev is going to do next."

Elizabeth scoffed. She still didn't approve of Gorbachev's policies, though even she had to admit life was easier now than before they left. People seemed less weary,   
Phillip noticed, walking around the streets. More hopeful. Even if they didn't know what was coming next. 

"It's not so much death I'm afraid of, you know. I've faced death so many times. It's that I don't feel like I've done anything meaningful with my life. The country I fought for all these years is no longer recognizable to me. I'm no longer a mother. What does that mean for me?" she said. Phillip didn't have an answer.

Later, while watching the small TV in their living room, Elizabeth said "I keep thinking of Erica. Haskard's wife? How she put her all of her feelings about her condition into her art. I understand her so much better now. There are too many things I can't directly say to people. Things I can't exactly name, but I can try to describe." 

"Do you want me to get you some canvases?" he asked with a smile.

"I was always terrible at it." she admitted "But I think I'd like to write. My story. The real me."

"We'd have to hide it." Phillip was doubtful.

"We're experts at hiding things." she countered. No longer able to refuse her anything, he acquiesced.   
\--

Phillip went to his cubicle and found a stack of papers on his desk. He nonchalantly flipped through the stack until he found a small folded sheet of paper. The message from Gabriel he'd been waiting for. He pulled it out of the stack and quietly put the paper in his lap. In very small handwriting at the bottom was written "Courtyard 1730". He let the paper fall to the floor. A few minutes later, he grabbed the paper and shoved it in his shoe.

The mood in the office was tense these days. Lots of people whispering to each other. With all the changes in the Gorbachev administration, nobody knew what the KGB's future was. More and more people were being reassigned. There were new rumors every week. Phillip didn't pay much attention to them; he had more pressing concerns. 

He put aside his photographs at exactly 5:15, got his things together, and headed to the courtyard across the street to meet Gabriel. The air was starting to get chilly.

"We got the results. He's in excellent health. No formal test, but no signs of illness either. Most recent visit was two months ago for a sprained ankle." 

Phillip sighed. "Now what?"

Gabriel said "I'm afraid we've hit a dead end. But I have to admit, something about this seems fishy. I'm going to do a little more digging."

"Thanks." Philip said.

"What would you do with the information anyway, once you had it?" 

He shrugged. 

Gabriel told him "You both need to find a way to make peace with this. That's something that no mission, no explanation can give you."  
\--

Elizabeth did lots of writing. She was doing well on the medication. Aside from being more tired than usual and an occasional limp, she was much like her old self. She had a hunger, not for physical appetites, but for experiences. When she was up for it, she and Phillip took a lot of walks around the city.

"I used to come here, when I was little." she said as they sat on a park bench, holding hands. "I'd bring my dolls sometimes. Or I'd run across the grass." She looked at him "Remember that time you destroyed Paige's Barbie clothes with the lawnmower?"

He smiled "She was so mad! And I got such a lecture from her. 'Daddy, you need to be more careful'!" They both laughed.

"There used to be a flower shop on that corner." she pointed. The building was boarded up and looked like it had not been in use for some time. "I remember looking in the window admiring the pretty arrangements. We could never afford flowers, but I always wanted to look." she glanced around the plaza. "Everything is different now."   
\--

Phillip came in to work one morning and found another stack of papers on his desk. He thumbed through it and found another note, with meeting instructions outside a nearby tavern. This was unexpected. Had Gabriel gotten more information?

He went to the tavern at the requested time, and kept his eye out for Gabriel. He hopped around a little, trying to keep warm. He regretted not wearing a heavier coat. 

A young woman approached him. "Hello Mischa. Thank you for coming. " She was petite, with short blonde hair. 

Phillip was caught off guard. Then he recognized her from work; she was in a different division. He wasn't sure of her name. 

She noticed his quizzical expression. "You don't need to know my name. It's better that you don't. Let's walk east, shall we?" They walked.

"Did Gabriel send you?" he asked

"Yes. We have worked together in the past. He speaks highly of you and your wife. Courageous. Self-sacrificing. Heroic. He is deeply saddened by her illness. "I am a low level employee. They assigned to clean out some old files and memos that were no longer of use. He asked me to look at records from the past four years. And I found this." She pulled a paper out of her jacket."

It was a memo. Phillip read it quickly. Then, trying to keep his voice level, he said "Do you know where I can find this person?" he pointed to a name on the paper.  
She nodded. "I will you bring you the address tomorrow. The same way."

"Thank you" he said. She turned around in the opposite direction they'd walked. Phillip walked around for hours, trying to keep himself from screaming.   
\--  
Philip marched up the steps to and knocked hard on the door. It opened and he came face to face with Claudia. He hadn't seen her in years. 

"Mischa! This is unexpected." She smiled gaily "I'm afraid I can't talk to you long, I've got a roomful of people cele..."

"I know what you did." he said coldly. 

"I don't know what you're talking about." her voice was even.

"You killed her." His eyes narrowed "After everything we did for you. For our country."

"You have no place to talk about what you did for our country."

"I put in my time."

Claudia sighed. "She took out an agent. She went against orders. She knew the consequences. How did you find out?"

"It's not important." The memo the young woman had given him was from when the anti-Gorbachev faction was in control of the KGB. 

"No, it isn't. And neither are the two of you."

"Tell me why I shouldn't kill you right now." he said. His muscles tensed up, ready to strike.

"I still have plenty of connections. There are thousands of people with this disease, despite what our leaders tell us." Claudia told him with a sneer "Only a handful are getting treatment. Medication shortages. Doctors refuse to see them. Do you want that to change?" 

Philip let his arms hang by his sides and exhaled. The medication was keeping Elizabeth alive, and that was the most important thing to him.

"I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave. I need to go back to my guests. Have a good night." she closed the door.

Philip debating between breaking the door down or screaming loud enough for the whole building to hear. But he didn't think that would accomplish anything either. He left, defeated.   
\--

He told Elizabeth everything as they laid together in bed. "It was the needle they used for the blood draw, during the physical you had when we returned. It was contaminated. Claudia had someone in the clinic."

"We had our guard up so high those first few weeks. And they got me when I least suspected it." She was surprisingly calm. "Claudia never did forgive me for punching her in the face, did she?" they both laughed a little. Then she said "I need you to do something for me."

"Of course" he told her.

"The way things are going" she gestured vaguely "You won't have to stay here. In this country, I mean. Find the kids. Tell them about me, about what happened. Give them the book." she looked at the pile of typewritten pages. "And tell them about you, and where we came from."

"I will. But not if that means leaving you." He held her close and buried his face in her hair. He wanted to hold on to this moment, and all of the moments with her yet to come.   
\--

"Your mother made it almost another four years. She's the toughest person I ever knew. Pneumonia got her in the end. " Philip said. "She wanted to come back and see you again so badly, but even without her..history...she wouldn't have been allowed to enter the country. Plus in the last couple years, she was too sick to travel." 

Paige was fighting back tears. Henry sat in stunned silence.

Phillip pulled two items out of his bag. The first was a photo album. "Here are some pictures of us from the last few years." He flipped to the last page ."This is where she's buried. She's with her mother."

The second was a notebook. "This is her book. She encoded the information, and I carried it out of the country that way. I've had to decode and translate it for you when I arrived. That's the reason I didn't want you to come right away. There's not a lot about the work, but about herself and the people she cared for."

Paige flipped through the book. Some of the names she recognized. Dad's. Gregory. Henry. Her own. Others were unfamiliar to her. Victor Z. Young-Hee S. Erica H. She wasn't quite ready to read what Mom and said about her. She would, just not today. 

"Dad" Henry needed to know what he'd wondered about all these years. "Why did you tell Paige?"

Phillip looked at them and took a deep purpose "It was...expected. By our superiors. I argued with them, but they were insistent. They had a program running for second generation agents. Born in America, with better credentials than your mother and I could ever get. They could get into more places. And they wanted Paige."

The words struck Henry like a blow to the chest. "They wanted you to have children to...use them?"

Paige had a similar reaction. She thought she'd been special, not simply a tool to be used.

"We were all used. You two, your mom, me. They told us our survival as a nation was at stake. We needed to defend ourselves from the Americans who were trying to kill us. Gradually, we learned our people could be just as bloodthirsty as theirs." he thought of the weaponized virus used in Afghanistan, the one he and Elizabeth had procured. "It was a bunch of powerful people having a pissing contest with each other. We were merely pawns. We all lost." 

"Did...you want us at all?" Henry asked.

It wasn't an easy thing for Philip to say. "She wasn't too keen on the idea, at first. But she loved both of you. I knew her for almost 30 years. She went through all kinds of terrible pain. She was shot. She had a tooth pulled with pliers and no anesthesia. She had a deadly, incurable disease. The only time I saw her cry was when she realized we needed to leave you here, Henry. That it was the best thing for you.

"I'm sorry for the life we gave you. You both deserved better. It sounds like a shitty excuse, but we believed we needed to do what we did in order to survive, just like our parents did before us." 

Henry and Paige were quiet. Phillip noted they were shocked, but grateful. They weren't able to handle anything else right now. They had a lot to come to terms with. He wasn't a spy any more, hadn't been for years, but he was still excellent at reading people. He didn't know what kind of relationship they'd have in the future, but he'd owed them the truth.

Finally Paige asked "What are you going to do now, Dad?" 

"I don't know yet. But there's something I'd like to do with you, today. Let's just talk and get to know each other again. I'm not going to talk about the work; that's not important. We don't have to cover everything today, I'll be back on a somewhat regular basis. I'll answer any questions you have about me, my life, before and after I came to America. Remember all those years ago, Paige, when you asked about our family? Would you like to know more about them?"

"Yes" they both nodded. They were both still a little stunned, but also interested in what he had to say.

\--  
June, 1996  
Niagara Falls, ONT

Philip gestured to his companion when he saw Paige and Henry approach. They looked happier to see him this time. The pretty blonde girl with them must be Cindy-definitely Henry's type. They exchanged greetings. 

"This is Misha, your half brother." He pulled out an envelope "And here's a letter from my brother Piotr, and his wife." 

Misha talked to them as best he could-his English was still a little rough. As his children talked, Philip thought of Elizabeth-not with sadness, but with quiet joy. He'd completed their final mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note:  
> Elizabeth's fate is somewhat based an outbreak that occurred in Elista, Kalmykia (700 miles from Moscow). Patients were accidentally infected with HIV by the re-use of syringes and catheters without sterilizing them. There were 79 identified victims, most of them children. The survivors fought for over twenty years until they received compensation for what happened to them.


End file.
